“Hate is always tragic. It is as injurious to the hater as it is to the hated. It distorts the personality and scars the soul.” ––Martin Luther King, Jr.

Bullying is bullying. No matter what form it comes in or what the imagined “reason.” Meanness is meanness. Inhumane treatment toward another human being is a social injustice no matter what the excuse. “Guerilla decontextualization,” coined by poet and author Aberjhani is the practice of with malice and intent, deconstructing a human being for the purposes of maligning or worse, nullifying– to take away their impact. power, pulpit or legitimacy and later, legacy. It is a way to neutralize those who are innovative, clever, who stand outside the culturally determined boundaries and dare to challenge it from there. The ones who through their voice, art and activities, dare us to be better humans… you know– the dangerous ones?

Bullying is: attacking another person so as to gain power over them, deliberately manipulating public perception of them, to take what they said out of context (repeat or print the re-arranged or redacted version) to de-legitimize their voice, to discredit them, humiliate them, ruin their reputation, nullify them, dissuade people from dealing with them, to interfere with the natural respect their character has earned, to harass them, to turn people against them, to mock them or their work, to marshall a hate campaign against them.

And once again, this practice was witnessed recently in the fan community while organizing an activity “in honor” of Michael. Who mocks, starts a hate campaign and deliberately harms another in order “to honor” Michael Jackson? What? The man who stood for love? Who gave love over and over until and beyond where it hurt or was healthy? The man who when assaulted by those who harmed him with their jealousy, envy or anger– dropped to his knees to pray for forgiveness for his own instinctive and uncensored harsh thoughts? And then immediately prayed for forgiveness and the enlightenment of the offender?

A bully thinks that they are damaging the other person. In reality, the bully says more about themselves than their targets. He or she who bullies is revealing his or her heart in public. Some hearts are not very pretty, are they? hearts translate into action and some of those actions aren’t pretty either. Someone who is mean-spirited or abusive to another person reveals how little self respect and self confidence they have, how little they believe in themselves or humanity or that their own reputation will speak volumes for their character. Oh, it speaks volumes alright. It screams…

Fail! Foul!

Actually committing an act that attempts to degrade another’s character is, in reality, a way to reveal your own true character and true self. It reveals your heart. It broadcasts the truth about a heart that is hard and cold and incapable of love or a heart that open, dedicated to grace, to unity and to compassion and love.

Good people don’t bully. Period. Good people respect themselves to much to indulge in vile or juvenile attacks on another human being. Beware and be very careful of the person in your acquaintance who would attack and recruit you to attack another. Be mindful of your own weakness when you allow yourself to be easily led by another, into an activity that will harm your soul. If they would harm someone else, they would certainly harm you. They would not hesitate to turn on you if it suits their purpose. No one who is honorable or has love in their heart will recruit you to do something that harms your soul. You know what is soul destroying; you intuitively know it, feel it. Your insides know. Your bones know. You cannot trust someone who has recruited you to a hate campaign. And when that hate campaign has something to do with Michael Jackson it is completely counterfeit and there is no honor in it. Michael Jackson was all about love, not hate.

There are so many worthy initiatives that have begun as tributes and in honor of Mr. Jackson. A Million Trees… Everland… Cadeflaw… Michael’s Dream Foundation… Voices Education Project’s Words and Violence…  The Frankie Woods McCullough Academy for Girls Project in Gary, Indiana… There is no need and no room for hate campaigns.

Hate campaigns have brought us suicides, assassinations, religious wars, racism, terrorism and other abominations of human nature. And being a “little hateful” or a “little bulling” is like being “a little bit pregnant.” Can one be “a little bit evil?” If you embody evil, it lives in you. You either are or you aren’t. As the great Guru Yoda says: “Do or not do; there is no try.”

No cause justifies gaining through the means of bullying. No cause that pretends to embody love encourages people to be hateful. And this particularly from people who claim to represent activities “honoring Michael Jackson?” Seriously? That is completely hypocritical. Michael Jackson would condemn anyone who bullied in his honor. And he would walk away. Period. Never to return.

Michael Jackson was bullied by the people around him, by the media and by those who are supposed to uphold the law and those who were supposed to nobly represent him… and this through his whole life! He was often surrounded by hypocrites and people who would use his name yet smear his work and legacy. He was aware of how evil contaminates. He left Neverland because it was contaminated by evil. People always have to answer for their evil deeds– one way or another. Sometimes you can see it coming; sometimes it sneaks up on you. But it is on its way back to you, guaranteed. That is the way the Universe works. You attract what you are. So stop it. If you are engaging in something hateful or in hate campaigns, you are no better than those who drained the life from him. No better than the tabloid hacks who took information, twisted it and brought evil to him, to themselves and to anyone who witnessed the violence of decontextualizing a human being and dismembering him on front pages. The violence went on for decades until it became “normal.”

Deliberate harm is not “normal” nor is it admirable or noble. It is, in fact, what is wrong with the world. And since we all contribute our individual energy and piece, we create the world and “we are the world.” As contributors, we are stewards of the culture and the world. Stewards have responsibilities.

There is something very frightening about deliberately calculated, planned and executed evil. It does not live in the human realm but arises from somewhere non-human. Caution! When you engage with it, you condemn yourself.

Jackson was harassed, hounded, vilified, mocked, humiliated, and was the target of orchestrated hate campaigns in the tabloid media. Over time, they chipped away at his humanity until they completely dehumanized him. That was deliberate. It’s a formula well known and used by tabloids and their journalists that is well tested and effective when employed over time. The purpose of chipping away at an individual’s humanity a little at a time is to make them less than human so that bullying them is more generally accepted by the public. If someone is considered “wacko” because his behavior is interpreted out of context or is a “freak” because of elective cosmetic surgery, he is easier to bully. If a woman is “fat” or less than “gorgeous,” it is easier to mock her body and face. And who does that? Mock someone’s face- their only window and trademark to the world? Or their body because it doesn’t fit some artificial and superficial cultural blink-of-time standard?

Mean people and bullies do that.

If the public sees an individual as vulnerable and human, tabloids have a harder time attacking them because it causes a backlash against the bullying tabloid and that might cut into the sales and profits. So instead, they plan and execute a chronic devaluation of a human being so as to mock, humiliate and recruit others to do the same.

What is the difference between the tabloids doing this to Jackson and Jackson’s fans doing this to other fans? Especially when the bullying is touted as necessary and “and in honor of preserving Michael Jackson’s legacy.” Do you think the man himself would sanction this? Do you think he would be proud? What does this display of human shadow behavior have to do with a man whose only mission was to leave a legacy of love?

No, there is no honor there. There is no love. He would not be proud. In fact, this practice of bullying shames his name.

What in the world would prompt such displays of naked hatred? Do you dare to think you should be the only game in town? Do you claim sole ownership of his legacy? How arrogant! There is much work to be done on this planet. There is room for everybody. The work of compassion and love is urgent in these times of turmoil and transition. And if you wish to do it in his name, then at least respect his values and claim them and practice them in your own life and affairs and particularly in how you treat others. Public hate campaigns tarnish his legacy. They harm his family for it reflects on them. It only adds to the meme the media loves to perpetuate of “the crazy fans.” It’s not helpful and you’re not helping. That is NOT what the man stood for.

You know who you are. You know what you did. Now go and do something to reclaim your soul. Go and make it right. For you. For others. For the planet. For Michael.

Nine months in the making, “Words and Violence” project, that was started immediately after his death that was published on the first birthday after his death. It took almost a year to design and was begun by fans coming together to contribute to a scholarly academic publication that has now grown to more than 600 pages. The project is ongoing with a third edition published last year.

http://voiceseducation.org/content/words-and-violence

Words and Violence was the first work to honor Jackson’s legacy. The program is about bullying in all its incarnations from the playground to the tabloids to the mortuary and it features the antidotes for bulling. Jackson was the poster boy for bullying on a global scale. The project was and is dedicated to Michael Jackson and Lady Diana Spencer– two humanitarians who were gifts to this world. To two people who cared for children and were mocked for their tenderness and their championing the causes of children. Two people who were humanity’s cheerleaders encouraging and demonstrating how to “do better.” They both said we (humanity) are better than this, and then were targeted, mocked and attacked and exploited by tabloids for their own corporate profits and selfish gain.

“Words and Violence” is about to be released in its 4th edition which will feature how we humans have bullied the planet to the point of irreversible harm and if not curtailed will lead to our extinction. As I said, bullying is bullying. It’s all the same thing no matter which end of the scale or continuum of bullying you’re on. It is human shadow at work. It leads to soul loss. For self. For others. For the planet.

Michael Jackson understood human nature and the bullying of human beings. He took on bullying in many incarnations in his lyrics and in his art– gangs, murder, misogyny, poverty, militancy, war, and even the bullying of the planet in Earth Song. He knew it was all part of the ego’s inner shadow instead of the ego’s bright shadow within which he encouraged in everyone he touched, that touch reaching around the world and yes, to the planet itself. He knew it was urgent. A more humane narrative (story) on this planet is desperately needed.

The work had and has nothing to do with a gesture of adoration demonstrated once a year. It has to do with looking at the one in the mirror and making that permanent change within self that we wish to see in the world. We all contribute to this psychic ecosystem and soup we live in. It doesn’t help to stir in hatred because now everybody is forced to taste your bitterness. When Michael Jackson asked: “make that change” he didn’t have bullying in mind. He was asking that we embody values and live our lives from that place of integrity. To embody and demonstrate values like nobility, understanding, compassion, inclusion, unity, love… He asked us to  embrace the bright humane nature within ourselves and to live our lives from that place. “So, Will you be there?”

Next: “Where hate campaigns lead to” and “Trends in the Tabloids”

For many, this week has been a difficult one. Wednesday was the 5th anniversary of the passing of an icon for most. For some, it was the loss of a personal friend. For that is what he was to many of his admirers. Some claim Jackson got them through their childhood. I believe them. Michael Jackson left this planet on June 25, 2009 and for a moment, the world stood still.

Much of the world has acknowledged, formed a permanent opinion (mostly unmoveable,) and moved on with their lives and past Michael Jackson. One of his closest friends recently told me “the controversy surrounding him will never go away.” And that is precisely why many who saw Jackson as a beloved figure have a difficult time with his death even five years later.

Most people, when someone dies, have a ceremony, witness a eulogy and begin to find closure upon a chapter of life ended. For many of Michael Jackson’ fans, the closure is impossible because the truth of his life and true story as a human being has never been told. They cannot yet take a full breath and let out the pain. They have fashioned, in their own way, their own wailing wall. Sometimes they make an annual pilgrimage to a place where they can wail– even if it’s a silent scream.

When someone pokes you in the eye, it causes a lot of pain but then when the offensive instrument is withdrawn whether a finger or words, the wounding begins to heal. But a wound cannot heal if the poking continues again… and again… And that is what fans have had to endure. They have come to know a man whose life was dedicated to his fellow man, who was kind and generous and sensitive. And quite possibly, the loneliest soul on earth. They have spent the time it takes to dig, to research and investigate a life that was anything but ordinary. They have discovered the treachery, greed, corruption and betrayal that surrounds and follows the very famous and wealthy. And for the most famous and wealthy, it is monumentally ugly. It seems everybody took a piece until there was very little to piece together.

They took his privacy, his freedom and finally they took his home. Imagine trying to become the man in history who took down the most famous man on earth, irregardless of the law. Even that is part of the story.

Ironic the latest hit is “Slave to the Rhythm,” for he was exactly that… a slave. To many who traded off of his iconic place in culture for money or for their own fame– vicariously. In some spheres that is called “predation;” in others, “parasite.”

One day the truth will break free. The unraveling has already begun. And truth likes to unravel.

This message penned from his drummer of 30 years: Jonathan Moffett:

Jonathan Phillip Moffett

On ‘This Night’, at ‘This Time’ of “2:26AM”, . . . . I had ‘Just’ arrived home, from the previous day’s into Night’s rehearsal, for a “Great Tour”, set to be……. “A Great Day” had by “All of Us”, . . . and ‘Especially’ Michael……. In my hurry to exit the arena, to get home to embrace ‘Sleep’, . . for the coming day ‘Already’ On It’s Way’, . . . . . . there was ‘No Way’ I could have known, . . . . . ‘No Way’ I Could Have ‘Foreseen’, . . . the events of the coming dreadful morning, . . . only just mere ‘Hours Away’……. And as ‘I’ lay ‘My Head’ Down, . . on “My Pillow’s Keep”, to embrace the lure of “My Night’s Sleep”, . . . . . . no Clue had ‘I’, . . . . of Michael’s history, of ‘Lack Of Sleep’…….. He was a “Man Of Many Hats”, . . . . of ‘All’ The Things ‘He’ had on his slate, . . from Hours, to Days to Weeks……… As ‘I’ lay down to rest, . . . and welcome my sleep, . . . . . little would ‘I’ know, . . . ‘he’ was ‘There’, in His Where a bouts, . . . . ‘Trying’, . . . ‘Fighting’, . . . “Longing” for ‘His’ sleep……. Wish ‘I’ Knew…. Wish ‘I’ could foresee…….. “Some Sign”, . . . that he was in need……….. To Talk with him at nights…. To Comfort him, during these, his desperately ‘Tired’ fights…….. To ‘Answer His Cry’, of ‘his Call’, . . in “Will You Be There”, . . . that ‘I’ might be able to have said, . . . “Yes Michael”, . . . . “I’m HERE”!!!….. Let us talk….. Let us smile…… Since you can’t sleep, let us ‘Spend Time’ on the phone, . . . “LET’s ‘Us’ Stay UP for a while!”…… “I’m here with you”…… “You Are NOT Alone”…….. And ‘I’ will ‘Try’, . . . to lull you to sleep, . . . with the Words of Our Conversations, recited, . . . comprised, in the ‘likes’, of a Song………….. I wish I knew……. I wish he’d confided in me……. For while ‘I’ slept in My peace, . . . . . . he was slowly slipping away from me, . . ‘And US’, ‘YOU’ his “Beloved Ones”, “his Fans”, . . . as I’d/We’d come to learn later that day, and feel, . . . . . “How ‘Could This’ Be”………… ‘My life’, . . “Our Lives ‘Changed’ This Day”, . . . . “5 Long”, yet ‘Seemingly’ “Short Years Ago” in dismay……….. When The “Shock Of The World”, Felt “Round The World”, . . was proclaimed……… And the “Brother In Heart” ‘I knew and loved’, . . . was taken away……. And ‘Only’ “The LOVE” Remains………. Michael……… For “30 Long Years”, . . . . Nearly “Half of ‘My’ Life”, . . . and nearly “Half Of Your’s” was “OURS” to claim!!!……. And the Memories in the “Halls Of My Mind”, . . and on the “Walls that Line My Heart”, . . shall ‘Always’, remain the “Stains” of “Hieroglyphs”, . . ‘Years from Now’, into My Eternity! …….To show The “HiStory”, . . . of “You”, . . ‘And’ Me……… May your Long Deserved ‘Rest’, . . . be In Peace……. I Love You Dearly……… And Miss You ‘Here In Person’, . . Near my life……… The Love you brought and Shared, to ‘This World’, within ‘All Your Fans’, ‘Family’, ‘Children’ and ‘Friends’, . . . . remains………. As in me……. Rest, in peace my dear friend…… I’ll “Always”, . . . remember thee……._

This comes after a 30 year friendship. And this is pretty much the consensus of those who actually KNEW Michael Jackson.

And the fans? They, and not superficial “biographers” have bothered to excavate and explore the trial transcripts, the official documents, the lawsuits, the autopsy report, the constant barrage of paparazzi and tabloid media assault that made the perpetrators of a crime against humanity (oh yes it was) so heinous. They know the sting of overwhelming injustice, futility, helplessness, hopelessness and paralysis. The also know anger, suffering, sorrow and the full range of human emotions that accompany a knowingness that few can share. They understand the propensity of human nature to believe the worst and perpetuate a lie when there is no impulse to investigate the truth. They understand deliberate and malicious malingering only for profit. They understand the sacrifice of humanity, dignity and nobility for the love of money and they feel the pain of shadow chosen over that human nobility.

They are aware of what frenzy, conspiracy, manipulation, and greed can do not just to the human it is directed at, but what is lost when a true visionary is nullified only for… cash. They are not just feeling their own loss but the loss to all of humanity. It is the most visible yet invisible cautionary tale on the planet in the last century.

The are awake and aware in a way the rest of the world is not.

In order to lift them from the grief, if only for a moment, I share a laugh and a secret that only the fans will “get,” and appreciate and understand. If you don’t understand it, just consider it an inside joke and move on.
 
 

How to Deal with Haters
the Cheat Sheet

This is an article by James Aultcher that is reprinted here. It’s timely right now, useful, and I thought you might like it too.

(Photo by Erik Gustafson)

“It’s easy to get anonymous people to hate you. Have an opinion. Be creative. Be yourself.

But sometimes it gets worse. I’ve had death threats, legal threats, I’ve lost friends, even family, over things I’ve written. I’ve lost the respect of many I still respect. Articles get written then people hate me even more.

A hater can be anyone. A family member, a friend, a colleague, a teacher, a boss, or some random person you meet on the street or the Internet. People who were friends forever can suddenly be haters. You HAVE to have the tools to deal with it.

It always feels miserable. I am never cavalier about it.

I wanted to like these people in some cases. 20 year friendships. Friends I thought I would have forever. Now… gone.

Most haters are just invisible, anonymous, just trying to get in your head because that’s THEIR particular method of having a human connection.

Example: someone wrote a review of my audio book the other day:

“SIMPLY TERRIBLE… the author should NEVER EVER read his own books again. He has a lazy, mumbling speech that made it difficult to give him credibility right off the bat. He sounded a bit disinterested, like it was a bother to pass along these precious gems on knowledge to us, the poor miserable audience.”

I’m not fishing for compliments. Some people like my audio book, some people don’t. But it reminds me of 7th grade, when we had to take turns reading from a book in a class called Woodshop.

Who would’ve thought that in Woodshop I would learn all the basic skills that allowed me to build businesses and develop meaningful relationships later in life?

Well, not me, and I was right. I learned nothing there.

The only great moment that happened to me in woodshop was when the prettiest girl in school ran up to me and said, “Quick, quick, what psychiatrist talks all the time about sex?” And I said, “Freud” and then she ran away to have a deep conversation with the woodshop teacher twenty years older than her.

I definitely don’t remember what we were reading in the woodshop “book” that day but when it was my turn to speak, Christin Herholz said, “oh no, not HIS voice again.”

So maybe that reviewer is right. Maybe Christin is actually the reviewer! Synchronicity! (Jung).

No matter what we do in life, we get some people who hate us, who make fun of us, who gossip about us, who backstab us, who take money from us or do something to try and ruin our reputation, who threaten us, who tease us, who frighten us.

SO LISTEN TO ME: these are the rules how to deal with haters – the anonymous ones, the ones in your face, the ones at work, the ones you can’t avoid, family, and people you love.
It’s hard to do. Sometimes I can’t do them. But bit by bit I get better at these rules. And when I get better, I can see better results in my life. I hope you will also.

I) IT’S ABOUT THEM

This is a bit of a cliche but it’s true. Behind every Anger is a Fear.

Whoever hates, is also afraid of something. This doesn’t mean you say, “poor baby, he’s just afraid.” But it’s just worth noting.

For instance, in the above review, the reviewer said, “the poor miserable audience”. Maybe her fear is of being poor and miserable and so she hears someone saying that to her no matter who is talking. This is her problem in life right now.

Often people say, “oh, don’t worry, they are just jealous.” Maybe they are. Maybe they aren’t. We can never read their minds.

It’s none of my business why someone thinks something of me.

But something is going on in their lives that is bringing up a fear. And they indulge the fear by having an anger towards you. By projecting their own fear onto you. For a brief moment, you become the monster that has been hiding inside of them.

Anger is just fear indulged.

II) IT ALSO REALLY IS ABOUT YOU

Most people who hate me I never even think about. But some haters push buttons. Some accidentally know how to get under my skin.

Or not accidentally. Like when a family member hates you and knows EXACTLY what buttons to press (“you never bathe”, etc).

When someone pushes a button, I get angry and maybe even defensive. But it’s NOT because they said something horrible.

It’s because under the fleshy armor of rage, I’m afraid they might be right.

I might not even admit this to myself. They put the knife in, after all, so I can accuse them. But the reality is I might be twisting the knife in even further.

Take the above example again. I pulled it out from 100s I could’ve used. Not because it was particularly mean. But I just realized I then told you a story of what happened to me in seventh grade when a girl made fun of my voice.

So maybe I really am afraid I have some weird sort of voice. I don’t know. It’s just worth noting to myself.

When all you do is “note” something to yourself, it at least separates it out from the non-stop chatter in the head. It lets you identify it and put it in it’s own special cage. This makes it easier to identify and deal with and maybe even learn something about yourself.

III) THE 24 HOUR RULE

If someone attacks you in any way, you might get bad feelings. If it’s a public attack then others might get bad feelings. People will say, “Jane said this about James so he must be an idiot.”

Or it might an office politics attack. Or an attack in a relationship.

The 24 Hour Rule works in almost every case. If you never respond to the initial attack, it goes away in 24 hours. If you respond EVEN ONCE, then reset the clock. It’s another 24 hours as it spreads through the spider web of human interaction.

This is why some battles go on for years. Nobody stops responding. The attack continues until one person dies. And as the Onion states: World Mortality Rate Holds Steady At 100%.

IV) THE 30/30/30 RULE

I had a few posts where I stole the same image of a woman doing yoga poses on a beach. I got some criticism for always using images of a sexy woman. I also got criticism for taking the images and not giving credit.

Then the woman in the images actually wrote me. I told her I was getting this criticism.
She told me her whole beautiful story which I included in my last book. But one thing she said was that for every creative thing you do: 1/3 will love you, 1/3 will hate you, and 1/3 won’t care.

Which means you should do what you love. You should do the best you can. You should try to do the things that will help you improve every day. And when bad comments come, just put them in that 1/3 bucket where it belongs.

V) DELETE

I’m always happy when someone disagrees with me. I don’t mind that.

But often people are incapable of expressing disagreement and it comes out in a way that is obnoxious or hateful.

When I can, I delete them. I can put “delete” in quotes. Sometimes its not a blog commenter but someone in real life. I delete them also. I don’t speak to people who are bad for me.
What if it’s a boss or someone you have to speak to? Well, I don’t engage with them. I let them do their thing. I nod hello in the hallways. I don’t kiss anyone’s ass to get them to like me, not even my daughters. Everyone gets their time in the “time out” box. And eventually, they can come out again if they behave.

What if it’s someone screaming at you on the phone? Just do this: “I have to go”. That’s worked against me, particularly when I was younger and wanted to scream more. “Why are you DOING THIS TO ME!?” And it felt very painful.

But it made me behave better next time.

VI) HATE IS CONTAGIOUS

Someone tweeted awhile ago: “James Altucher = #humangarbage”. I don’t know why he tweeted it. I didn’t know who he was. But I got angry for a second. I didn’t follow any of the above commandments.

I looked him up. He works at AOL. I tried to figure out how to get him fired. He made his one tweet but then it gave me maybe 1000 thoughts.

The worst thing you can do to your body is stab it. Anger is an emotional stab at your emotional body. Some religions say you should show compassion to your enemies. I don’t know. This is really hard to do.

The best I can do is recognize that I don’t know this person, and that every additional thought is another way for me to stab myself. Then the infection spreads inside of me, consumes me.
I don’t like to stab myself.

VII) YOU’LL NEVER KNOW

I could’ve contacted the guy and said, “I just need to know: why do you think I am human garbage.”

But this is one of those death bed moments.

People have said, “I am really glad I found out why that random stranger called me human garbage” on their death bed exactly zero times in the history of the universe.

There’s no need to know. And even if you do finally know…it will always turn out there was no good reason.

VIII) RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

Let’s say someone does actually have a reason for hating you. And it’s easy to refute. Like they hate you because you are from Rhode Island but actually you are from Canada. You can say, “But I’m from Canada” and they will say, “Ugh, that’s even worse.”

Nobody ever changes their mind. Change is hard. Quitting cigarettes is very hard, almost impossible for many people.

Hating is even more addictive so imagine how hard it is to change someone’s mind. Facts don’t matter. Defending yourself makes it worse (see the 24 Hour Rule).

Even a history of friendship doesn’t matter. You can say, “We’ve been friends for 20 years. Are you really going to let this get in the way of that?”

And the answer is “Yes.” Because they can’t help themselves. Because it’s about some fear they have. Because it’s about some fear you have. And never the twain shall meet.

IX) THEY LOOK STUPID HAVING SEX

That’s all you ever really need to know about your haters. They all grunt and drool and look stupid.

If all you do is think of this rule about someone who hates you, then you can ignore all of the other rules.

X) TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

Hate can’t last forever. Often it turns into a dull simmer. The sun that was so bright at noon, becomes a haze of purples and deep orange by twilight.

This doesn’t mean that you and the hater are now friends. It just means that the wound that was opened will eventually close up, and leave a tiny scar, a reminder but nothing more. Whether it was a betrayal. An ex-partner. An ex-lover. A commenter on a blog.

The key is to practice shortening the time.

You do this with the other nine commandments above. You do this with the daily practice of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health I recommend in my book.

I say “the daily practice” not because I want you to buy my book. Don’t buy it. It’s so easy you don’t need to read anything other than the above paragraph.

Do all this and the hate passes right through you. It’s hard to avoid all the haters. They are in your face sometimes. But you can do these methods.

For some people hate and anger and bitterness and regret last for years. Sometimes the time it takes to heal a wound lasts longer than a lifetime.

This is a waste of a lifetime.That’s ok also. Nobody is requiring you to have a fulfilling life. It’s totally your choice to waste your life.

And since many people will hate you as you stick your head out of the sand again and again (as I hope you do), you will have many opportunities to ruin your life. Enjoy them.

Sometimes (not every time) the more people who hate you, the more it means you are getting out of the comfort zone. You are creating and growing.

But hopefully your woulds heal more and more quickly. I say “your” but I really mean “me”. I hope my wounds every day heal more quickly than the day before. I wrote this post for me.
When a hater takes his or her stab, I try to use the above techniques to maybe learn about myself. And if I can’t learn a lot then maybe I can learn a little.

And if I can’t learn a little, then at least I will try to avoid getting sick.

And if I don’t get sick, then I will try to be thankful. And I move onto the next thing I can do. The next place where I will try to find love, creativity, and fulfillment.”

 ~To Inner Michael~

It’s not the package, nor the wrapping; it’s the gift inside.
 
“The path of the spiritual warrior is not soft and sweet. It is not artificially blissful and pretend forgiving. It is not fearful of divisiveness. It is not afraid of its own shadow. It is not afraid of losing popularity when it speaks its truth. It will not beat around the bush where directness is essential. It has no regard for vested interests that cause suffering. It is benevolent and it is firey and it is cuttingly honest in its efforts to liberate itself and humanity from the egoic ties that bind. Shunning strong opinions in the name of spirituality is anti-spiritual. Spirituality that is only floaty soft is a recipe for disaster, allowing all manner of manipulation to run amok. Real spirituality is a quest for truth, in all its forms. Sometimes we find the truth on the meditation cushion, and sometimes we find it in the heart of conflict. May all spiritual warriors rise into fullness. This planet is lost without them.” ~Jeff Brown, Author, Filmmaker

And the true spiritual warrior is also wise.

A warrior myself, I dare to share some insights:

I have a request. Remember the bigger picture. Remember you don’t see all of it at any given time, but trust that there is one and imagine that in the bigger picture is the greater good of all even if it may not seem so at the time. Our world is broken. Keep that in mind. At. All. Times.

Raw emotion is a powerful thing. Emotion is an engine of the human being that often drives the vehicle by appealing to another part of the mind. Not the intellect. Not the instinct. Not the reasoning. Emotion can bypass all that and go right to the gut causing a person to do or say something that isn’t reasoned or properly thought out. In the grip of emotion, people can say and do things that do damage and that they may later regret.

Those things said in haste and through emotion are just not rational. Acting instantly and from the rawness of an emotion can hurt people and cause real harm in the world. To be in the grip of emotion is a very tight space to be in. There’s not a lot of room in there because one is being squeezed in and suffocated by the emotion. There is nothing expansive about that. And when being squeezed and pressed upon by the emotion itself, there is a tight focus on self– “I,” “me,” “mine” and not “we.” It’s not a very generous place to be. It doesn’t allow for other peoples’ humanity– only mine. And since I am the human one and “they” are not– it is also a lonely place.

Instead of being guided by the more mature, expansive and generous part of the self, a person in this state is acting out while in the clutches of the ego. The ego wants to be in charge and the ego likes to be “right.” In fact, it likes to be “righteous.” And it clings to this righteousness and uses it as a weapon. There is nothing spiritual about the ego in the grip of raw emotion expressing as righteousness and selfishness. There is nothing generous about it. In fact, it is very short sighted, demanding and bratty.

Try this picture: Your life is like a bus with a driver’s seat. Who do you want at the wheel? Especially with life at stake? A brat or an adult? A child crippled by emotion or a reasoned and mature psyche? Who do you want driving your bus– a rational individual or do you want it careening all over the place at the hands of a brat in the midst of a perpetual tantrum? So who do you want driving your life– the brat or the bigger self?

The brat is not only short sighted, but it likes to throw things around and tears things down– sometimes things like friendships and reputations and mature wisdom. Wisdom comes from study, restraint, discernment, experience and reflection.
Perspective is like that. When emotion takes over, the perspective narrows. We can see only what’s immediately in front of us. My turf. My opinion. My anger. My disgust. My… my… my… me… me… me. The epitome of arrogance is to think your opinion is the only one that matters. And that it’s the right one. (Yes, we all do that. But we can practice restraint in these matters. We can wait, observe, reason, reflect and then act.)

Unfortunately while in that place of limitation and tightness and smallness, there is only the little picture of the little individual ego that is seen. But there is a bigger picture. There is always a bigger picture because there is a bigger plan. Things happen that serve that bigger plan which is the evolution of humankind.

Our job is to transform from mini me to magnificent me. Magnificence is born of generosity, kindness, compassion, inclusiveness and recognizing the interconnectedness of humanity and respect for all sentient life.

Magnificence is a choice to acknowledge the shadow of humans and their nature, to integrate the shadow of self and in the world, and then choose to express the brilliance of the human animal, not the shadow.
Every once in awhile the Michael Jackson community has a dust-up. Something occurs that stirs things up and even when it’s accidental, it is always perceived as somebody deliberately stuck something into a beehive. And the stinging begins. The swarm occurs, organizes and stings the first thing in sight. Then the next thing. And damage occurs.

The thing about a dust-up is that eventually the dust has to settle. A dust-up or “quarrel” at some point looses its energy and when it’s over, there is always debris. The landscape, once smoother, now looks jagged and marred. That is what happens when someone takes an immediate stance and a narrow view– the landscape becomes barren and damaged.

The narrow view of things will always cause one to become blind to the bigger picture.

A great deal of care went into the production of “Xcape.” A lot more care than before. Those in the studio who worked on the project were aware of whom they were representing. A few of them said they could feel Michael Jackson’s presence as they worked. All of them sought to step into his shoes although they know they’re impossible to fill, and imagine the steps he would take. All tried to imagine his mind. And from working with him for in some cases, decades, some of them might predict his reactions and sometimes delight. They knew him that well. The DVD that accompanied “Xcape” was not a “sales job.” It was a heart-felt collaboration that was a declaration of love for someone they knew personally and well.

What was sad is that his family’s absence was obvious. Whatever the reasons, whatever the divisions, whatever the angst and resentment, it would have been so much more lovely if his family was included. They were his kin. He was their brother, son, father. What a shame that things are not different. That is why it is important for humans to learn to get past their egos, to forgive, and to repair damage. It’s better if that can happen in life because its excruciating in death to confront what was done or not done, said or not said, and what was not loved or loved enough. Pride and ego, allowed to be in charge, is like letting the little self drive the bus.

The promised “hologram,” although a rumor and never confirmed, was a disappointment to many fans because it was an imposter. The truth is that after June 25, 2009, everyone will always be an imposter. Someday the technology may exist to create something more sophisticated, but that day is not here yet. And if things are delayed until then, meanwhile, the messenger is forgotten. And the messenger had a message. Do you even remember what that message was?

The audience and the world saw it much differently. They were poignantly reminded of the messenger and therefore, the message. And they are reminded of the why of it. They are reminded of his attempts to bring a message whose time had not yet arrived. They are reminded of his relentless trying and his unshakable faith in humanity even after being so defiled and so humiliated and even unto the very end. They were reminded of a talent that will never be seen again. And trust me, there is regret and sadness because along with all that remembrance comes the acknowledgment that the messenger was brutally and horribly misunderstood and mistreated. And that’s a good reminder for the world. It’s intended to soften hearts. Humanity could use softer hearts, don’t you think?

The reality is that the world was reminded, Michael was remembered, his music once again topped the charts, a new generation was introduced once again to his music (and therefore, his message.) The message is more important than the man. Even Michael knew that. He said it enough times. Did you hear it?

The message is in the music. Quite possibly, many will begin with Xcape and then work their way back to his other work, the work that has the meat of the message. It seems that yes, the world does have a role for him. And perhaps it’s not over. Maybe there is a role beyond the world. And maybe “This Is It” (present tense.)

The bigger picture is that no matter who, what or how, Michael Jackson and his music and work and message is once again in front of the eyes and ears of the world. The healing message is once again resurrected. He is once again the king. And all of this completely overshadowed the attempt to dismember him once again. That indicates the power that is behind the message. There will always be those who try to tear him down– pathetic that they find that so acceptable even in death. That is the mark of the beast in remaining a mini me. And there will always be those who exploit. That is the very human nature he was trying to point out. And change.

Some say his music should remain hidden in the vault because he was such a perfectionist and would have released it if he had felt it was ready and had reached his standard of perfection. and since it wasn’t finished by Michael himself, it should remain hidden. I can empathize with that and I understand that sentiment.

But consider this: had Michael not been handed all the obstacles in his life: debilitating diseases that marred a face and ravaged a body– Vitiligo and Lupus; exploitation; betrayal of friends; corrupt managers; cynical hangers-on; malignant opportunists; frivolous lawsuits– about 50 per year; heartbreak of personal relationships; threats to take his children away; ridicule, bullying, mockery, media dismemberment in the public eye; tabloid inventions and outrageous claims; unthinkable accusations; others making great sums of money off your sorrow; a torturous trial with no evidence and no basis for the trumped-up charges; the skepticism that a system of justice was even going to work or grant you the same rights as every other individual in that same system; the specter of prison and being riddled with fear of the possibilities and concern for the fate of your children; losing the faith in your country, in fairness, in justice itself; the constant and intractable violence, pursuit, stalking and harm; the hysteria of lies and the hysteria of love; and while it was love, that love also made simple civil and human rights and passage through this world nearly impossible; the loss of love and a mate to walk beside you in a lasting relationship; the shattering of dreams; the loss of the only sanctuary where there could be safety, relaxation and unguarded moments; the loss of everything dear including– reputation, home, health, comfort, safety, trust (a simple expectation violated to the degree that testing everyone around became necessary;) repeated betrayal of that trust; being reduced to a commodity; being pursued by individuals, companies, and professionals, including doctors, only because of your monetary worth; being reduced to a non-person and objectified (with diminishing humanity and dignity); and even eventually being stripped of your creative will during the last project of your life; losing even the rejuvenating power of sleep; and eventually the inability to rest that finally took your life.

Perhaps without all that human shadow and “noise” in one’s life, one might actually be free to pursue one’s art and the real reason for fame and attention– a platform to deliver an important message. Maybe some of that music in the vault might have seen the light had humans behaved themselves with magnificence instead of as malignant mini me(s.) Jackson might have been free to gift the world with the fullness of his art. He might have lived longer to give that art with a bigger picture– in cinema.

So maybe we all need to remember the bigger picture before we swarm, before we sting. Maybe we all need to take a step back and also see the bigger picture, exercise restraint and take a look at the more expansive view. The man is not here any longer but the message lives on. And the man would himself tell you… it’s the message that’s important.

It’s been delivered. Again.
 
Xcape fan video:
 

 
 
It’s been almost five years of gifts and support to many who tell me they’ve benefitted . Inner Michael cannot pay for the server, security, domains, and other expenses without support. “Words and Violence” and its message cannot be distributed. Your help is greatly appreciated.
 

For someone who is a wordsmith, being stunned into having no words is not just unusual but eerie. At first I didn’t know what to say. And I didn’t know what stunned me more– the professionals or the fans. And yet I understood both. I saw both sides. I empathized with both.

It was yes… eerie.

I planned to watch Billboard Awards maybe to write something.

I watched what happened just as “Xcape” dropped and right before the Billboard Awards. It seems to be a pattern particularly with some people who have axes looking for a chance to grind Jackson again.

Every time there has been a Michael Jackson event and especially when it has involved some kind of release that might make him the center of attention or money, there are those who come back over and over to haunt and blacken the legacy. (That word’s chosen deliberately.) It seems there is a social stigma that cautions us to “stop beating a dead horse” but when it’s a man who’s dead, there is no social convention honored that limits thrashing the corpse. Over and over and over.

And someday, when it really is all over and they witness their full life review in the company of their Creator, they’re going to have to explain themselves. And, they’re going to have to face Michael. That will be interesting. I wonder how well that’s going to go?

“Well, but I had to have a way to support my family.”

“I needed a new car.” “New house.” “A new camera” “New (fill in the blank.)”

“I didn’t start it; I just followed the crowd and just did what everybody else was doing.”
(That didn’t work out well for Hitler’s henchmen either.)

“My editor demanded a story.”

“My editor wanted a juicy story and it had to be about him. He sells magazines.”

“We needed prime material for our tabloid show. Content is everything.”

“The ratings were sagging, we had to do something.”

“I wanted to make a name for myself.”

“Sorry about that but scandal sells; I had to put food on the table.”

“When I got out of journalism school, there weren’t any legitimate reporter jobs. I took what I could get.”

“Geez, what’s the big deal? Nobody cared. He didn’t even LOOK human.”

—————————————-

Then came the album release:

Michael Jackson fans rejoiced.

Michael Jackson fans lamented.

Sony haters hated.

Jackson haters came out from underneath there.

First it was the cover.
“What the hell was that thing that looked like a dog collar?”
Some thought it was Avant Garde and reminded them of “Scream.” It could be the futuristic MJ.
Sony haters hated.

Then it was the album. (At least there was no argument about the identity of the singer.)

But was it Jackson’s work? Or really someone else’s?

What’s my opinion you asked?
Actually, when I listened to it, I liked the demos best. While the rest was OK, I thought the demos were “vintage Jackson.” I wish they had been fleshed it out just a little musically instead of using a time machine the way they used auto-tune last time.

And I think they should have called it “Vintage Jackson.”

——————————————-

The I Heart Radio awards and Usher’s tribute were honorable and “Love Never Felt so Good” premiered.

People remembered.

And then came the anticipation for the Billboard Awards performance.

But just before that, we were in an elevator where a fight was going on– that took the attention off Jackson’s anticipated performance and the album release. What the hell were we doing in an elevator in the middle of a family argument? I didn’t belong there. Did you?

Then there was the hologram. It wasn’t Jackson. It was an impersonator.  The technology doesn’t exist yet to piece together a real Jackson hologram. Or it’s too expensive for an album nobody knows how it’s going to do commercially. That sounds a bit familiar?

Fans were disappointed.

Fans were elated.

Some people were “creeped out.”

Some people cried.

Some people gushed:

Some people blamed the Jackson family for exploiting their brother. (The family had no say in anything- a mistake according to Jermaine.)

The haters hated Sony.

And for Jackson, turns out “This Is It” wasn’t. A new generation found him and another generation found him again.

——————————————

I think Jackson was laughing all the way to that big studio in the sky. You know the one– where the flow of music is a hologram and comes in technicolor.