Inner Michael » Hope is a Harvest

Hope is a Harvest

Not only is he my favorite doctor but he is one of my favorite people. We have worked together on so many projects that we connect on a heart level. He used to call me “Mama Gaia” because he said I was an earth mother in the peace movement and because of my artwork that repeats the Gaia theme—the earth viewed from space, the interconnected web of life, a perfectly designed ecosystem that supports human life, the first mother, the Madonna.

I met him when he was with Physicians for Social Responsibility and I was with Sister Cities. I recruited him for projects that included the annual “Harmony” peace concert. I was the impresario—casting and talent director, producer, and stage manager; I wrote the scripts, did the artwork and sometimes was the Mistress of Ceremonies.

Just working for peace in this world, no matter how overwhelming the problem of war and weapons of war, gave us a vision an avenue to direct our energies; it gave us hope. For twenty five years we annually gifted the community that concert. During one concert whose theme was “the interconnected web,” I wanted to pass thread among the whole audience to illustrate how we are in this together. We had a friend who was a mime and he walked into the audience and started passing yarn. He demonstrated the idea to the audience and soon people were throwing balls of yarn across the theater to create an interconnected web through the whole concert hall. A school supply outlet had donated small scissors and everybody went home that night with their own piece of the web. I still have mine.

We have both been to Russia and we visited the stockpiles, the instruments of war. We have both worn gas masks to illustrate a point. He loves how I illustrate with art, has always wanted the painting “Vision of the Madonna” and offered lots of money for it but it hangs in a retreat center now. He loves my poetry and is especially excited about the new artwork and productions— film—which I’ve called visual poetry. A healer himself, when this man finds himself in a place of despair he seeks me out. He knows that I, a storyteller at heart, will tell him a story of hope. He calls me the “Hope Detective” because I can find hope in even the darkest of circumstances.

I told him the story of discovering Michael at lunch one day over Indian food which we both love. He was startled by the depth of deception and the inherent treachery of systems that failed Michael Jackson—law enforcement, the music industry, the entertainment industry, and the media. He is feeling particularly blue these days about how Michael was treated by his own field that failed him one final time—the medical community.

How can I find hope in this, he wants to know? Where can he find any encouragement in what is being revealed about a doctor who betrayed the trust of his patient? A physician who took an oath and who violated all protocols and safeguards designed to protest and save a human life? Where is the redemption for medicine? “Where is the hope in this?” he wants to know.

It came yesterday. It came from Michael Jackson himself. It came in his own words.

“Elvis didn’t do it. The Beatles didn’t do it. When people leave my show I want them to say ‘I’ve never seen nothing like it in my life. Go. Go. I’ve never seen nothing like this. Go. It’s amazing. He’s the greatest entertainer in the world.’ I’m taking that money, a million children, a children’s hospital, the biggest in the world. Michael Jackson’s Children’s Hospital.

Gonna have a movie theater, game room. Children are depressed The—in those hospitals, no game room no movie theater, They’re sick because they’re depressed, Their mind is depressing them I want to give them that, I care about hem them angels. God wants me to do it. God wants me to do it. I’m gonna do it, Conrad.

Don’t have enough hope; no more hope. That’s the next generation that’s going to save our planet starting with – well take about it. United States, Europe, Prague, my babies.

They walk around with no mother. They drop them off, they leave—a psychological degradation of that. They reach out to me—please take me with you.

I want to do that for them. I’m gonna do that for them. That will be remembered more than my performances. My performances will be up there helping my children and always be my dream. I love them. I love them because I didn’t have as childhood. I had no childhood. I feel their pain. I feel their hurt, I can deal with it.

Heal the World, We are the World, Will You Be There, The Lost Children. These are the songs I’ve written because I hurt, you know, I hurt.”

This is the hospital Michael was going to build at his beloved Neverland. It was where he was going to fly in experts from around the world. It was where he built an outdoor theater across from where the plans showed a complex with huge bay windows so that children who woke up frightened and depressed could be rejuvenated by cartoons and children’s films.

It was the place where the hospital rooms were condos so that families could live together and restore their child to health with love—the great healer. Michael knew about vibrational medicine—that disease cannot take hold where the environment is happy and loving. Disease spreads easily and takes over when the mind is depressed and the body is toxic by association. Michael had read the books, studied Patch Adams, he piped in music for the flowers that responded with stunning growth and beauty—why would it be any different for other living things? Michael knew because Michael was a healer.

After hearing the tape of Michael, obviously under the influence of something, and slurring his speech, Jane Velez Mitchell and others stopped momentarily and reflected. There was a collective realization that something important had just been revealed. They understood that here was a man under the influence of some kind of intoxicant or mood altering substance and he was talking about children, building a children’s hospital and the healing of children. His musings were unscripted; he did not know he was being recorded and there was no one to impress with his philanthropic musings. It was Michael Jackson raw, vulnerable and human.

Jane Velez almost immediately quipped “this is what the fans have been saying all along. They have been saying that Michael Jackson cared about children, that he lived for them. During the 2005 trial they painted Neverland Ranch as this place that attracted children like flypaper, for nefarious purposes. And here we see a real and vulnerable Michael Jackson talking about building a children’s hospital. This is a stunning revelation. This is a vindication.”

I stood up and applauded. I heard a high pitched chuckle in my mind and “saw” a wink from heaven. Vindicated by his own words! So yesterday afternoon the meme changed forever. The correspondents all said that the Michael Jackson fans in the courtroom were holding their heads in their hands and wiping eyes with tissues.

That’s because this vindication comes a little late. The man had to die for you all to finally know who he was. The fans knew. They knew all along. And he told you before in his own words—you chose not to believe him. He said his changing color was Vitiligo, he said most of his surgeries were medically indicated; he said Neverland Ranch was for children. For the child in all of us.

He said “I hurt” not just because of a lost childhood but because of a lost home, a lost dream, a lost career, a lost country, a lost opportunity for contribution to heal the world. And yes, a lost life. Michael Jackson lost his life long before he died. The world that learned to hate him, fueled by the screaming media, took his life from him a long time ago. He retreated to Bahrain, not out of shame but out of despair having lost the country of his birth, its rights and the freedoms that he fought so hard for in his music and lyrics.

Yet here was this skinny little man, fifty years old, coming back one more time to remind the world that it could heal itself. To take the millions of dollars he would make from This Is It to build a children’s hospital. Here was a man that was so traumatized that he couldn’t sleep. Here was a man whose world had become so painful that he had to put himself into a coma at night, to not just escape the world in sleep but to render himself unconscious. Here was a man so bullied by the world that there was no redemption until his death. Here was a man willing to give us one more chance to make it right. Will we?

Michael Jackson is still giving to the world. Once again, he just presented us with an opportunity to change the world not just with his redemption, but with our own. There is a great lesson to be learned here, a sincere and sweeping revision of how we do things and how we treat people who happen to be larger than life because God gave them something to share with the rest of us.

Already the media has started backpeddling. But there is truly no way to spin it. There is no other way to tell it but to tell the truth. Michael Jackson was telling the truth; the world wasn’t. Conrad Murray is not the only one who killed Michael Jackson. The world has blood on its hands. We all need to wash and come clean. Me first.

Thank you, Michael for this one last gift. You gave me your life, then you gave your life. I didn’t love you as much as you loved me. I am sorry.

The hope is in this next sentence: “I promise I will never do that again to anyone. Ever.”


  1. Anne Mette Jepsen said . . .

    Thank you Rev. Kaufmann! LOVE and GRATITUDE 🙂

    Posted October 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm | Permalink
  2. Suvie said . . .

    I have been checking this website since yesterday to read your thoughts on the extended voice recording and I was so excited that you put it here. It makes me weep. How can somebody be such an empath…to feel the REAL pain of all children of the world in his heart…one single heart…it must hurt so much. Michael, may now get a moniker of a full fledged “drug addict” (people in the west, don’t seem to know the difference between prescription drug dependency and drug addiction, or may be they don’t want to in this case) but at least they won’t call him… the P word… I have made my promise too.

    Posted October 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm | Permalink
  3. Jan said . . .

    Amen, Sister Barbara … and I’ll raise you a fabulous Children’s Hospital!

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 12:19 am | Permalink
  4. Julis said . . .

    I truly believe that Michael was an Angel! Rev. Kaufman, I agree whole heartedly with everything you you wrote. The world, especially the media, has blood on their hands. Thank God for the Fans. I sincerely hope that Michael knew how much he was loved. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new Meme from the media but I will be vigilant as I am sure all of the Fans will be and we will call them put on their mis-information. God Bless you Rev. Kaufman.

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 1:30 am | Permalink
  5. Sue Springer said . . .

    Thank you Michael, for loving us and never giving up on us. Thank you doesn’t seem adequate, but I believe he hears us. I join you in that promise Rev. B. Love and peace.

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 4:20 am | Permalink
  6. Joslyn said . . .

    Thank you, as always, for sharing your insight, which is always on target.

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 4:26 am | Permalink
  7. Susan Trout said . . .

    Because he loved us so much, each one of us should give serious thought to how we can all have a hand in committing to building that children’s hospital in his memory. We can never repay him for all the joy and love he gave to us, but we can fulfill his most heartfelt desire–Heal the Children*Build the Hospital. I haven’t a clue where to start, but I know that there are probably a million people out there who have caught this vision, too. Thanks for a heartfelt account, Reverend Barbara. Thank you for the overwhelming photo of Michael holding his head with his beautiful hands.

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 8:14 am | Permalink
  8. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Someone sent me a link to a website claiming to collect funds for a Michael Hospital but there is no information about who these people are and they cannot be vetted. Caution is advised. I would be happy to spearhead such a project but the timing is not right for me. It would have to be delayed probably until Spring. I am in the midst of some major changes. What I am more interested in is a campaign for the re-education of the media. If every Michael Jackson fan would get on that “soul train” imagine how we could change the world. What do you all think?

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 11:08 am | Permalink
  9. gertrude said . . .

    I think I want to get on the soul train to re-educate the media (and the public about the media?) and I would join any campaign you launched to do so.

    Posted October 7, 2011 at 7:32 pm | Permalink
  10. gertrude said . . .

    ON A VERY HIGH NOTE: I live in Montreal Canada where the world-wide Immortal Michael & the Cirque Du Soleil show has kicked-off. You can bet I was there for that. I almost don’t have words. I don’t think I should really describe it so I don’t ruin it for those of you who will see it – but let me say this: this show is a great, great VINDICATION!This is probably the biggest smack-down slandering bullies of Michael could get at present! And the Cirque did it, from start to finish, by coming completely from light, from MICHAEL’S light!

    Not once did they come from a dark place and STILL they rubbed everyone’s face in what a magnificent, gloriously good human being Michael was, what an inspiring, sacred kind of leader he was, how truly innocent and what a force for good he was. They get right in everyone’s face immediately at the start with what a right he had to reclaim his childhood, and with what a loving joy in, and reverence for childhood innocence and children Michael had. This is of course what passes for crime nowadays, as we know only too well.

    You will cry at times throughout the show, bring tissues. When the Cirque gets to They Don’t Really Care About Us and Will You Be There you will be so MOVED, and gratified! Watch for what is over the soldiers’ heart area during these songs. The Cirque and Michael are the greatest marriage that can exist on this planet right now, I suspect. They both are truly divine magicians, and I am SO proud of the Cirque. They really get Michael, they get him completely. By the end, the entire arena was on its feet, screaming and yelling with joy. I loved this show. I wish I could see it again and again.

    I just know in my bones that this show is going to be a power in Michael’s vindication, and in a manner he would love. I thought I would tell you about this to A) encourage everyone to save pennies for the permanent residency in Las Vegas for Immortal Michael, where the show will reach spectacular heights not possible on tour – and believe me, it is OUTSTANDINGLY glorious as a touring show; and B) to add to the note by Reverend B regarding the changes swirling in the air, challenging and some day obliterating the lie about Michael.

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 4:19 am | Permalink
  11. Katrin Tanu said . . .

    Dear Barbara, Thank you so much for your wonderfull words, they touched my heart so deeply, no way to forget about them any more… I want to join Jan`s wish to raise the Children`Hospital …not yet knowing where to start, feeling that my turn might will come to care and work with these children, their siblings and their parents to overcome times of illness in their families with much love and as well as possible. Thank you, again. Blessings, Katrin

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 8:22 am | Permalink
  12. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Katrin and everyone: Reality begins in the mind. Imagine this “Michael Jackson Hospital” and keep that picture in the mind. Infuse that visualization with emotion. It becomes more than a prayer; it becomes a reality in a higher dimension and the conviction begins to attract the necessary things to create the reality in this dimension. Everything that is, was once an idea in someone’s mind. What do you think we might create with a million minds? First you must believe… ~B

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm | Permalink
  13. It's all for L.O.V.E said . . .

    To me…the audio is the beauty and tragedy of Michael Jackson.

    Tom Mesereau said he had never heard or witnessed Michael as he was in the recording, but words Michael spoke personified the person Tom knew.

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 8:47 pm | Permalink
  14. inge said . . .

    Dear Barbara, You told me to look at Inner Michael and to have faith….so I did… Thank you for being such an excellent instrument for Michael. What a profound and amazing piece of writing this is. I wept while reading it.

    I totally have faith and trust now that Michael’s wish for a children’s hospital will be realized. And as Michael’s vision about how we should go about making a true healing place for children get’s form and shape the realization of his dream will serve as a catalyst for a new energy of love and healing in the world. I really believe this and I am so sorry Michael had to go through such mental pain to fulfill the role that was given to him for us to learn basic lessons about compassion.

    For now I am going to put all my energy in dreaming Michael’s dream into material form. I know now that many people will do this as well. It might not happen overnight, but it will happen and it will all be good. Perhaps Michaels friends in the industry will pick up on this as well… and there could be a benefit concert or something like that… (just dreaming it up big now.)

    As I am writing this I see a picture of a smiling Michael in my mind. I can tell you this is good news. The cosmos is on our side in this and will provide. I know what it means when I have this feeling. The great MJ had a dream and now he has passed this dream on to us to realize it for him. I would say: yes, we can! I think it is a brilliant dream. Perhaps people could continue to think out loud on Inner Michael about this and perhaps we can start working together… somehow?

    I love your work and I love you dear Barbara Kaufmann. Inge

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 9:02 pm | Permalink
  15. Nicole P-H said . . .

    Dear Barbara, Susan, Katrin, Jan and all: I can’t tell you what the extended voice recording of Michael did to me. The feelings, the emotions are really beyond words. What I know is that this beautiful man deserves all of us to do everything in our power to make his dream a reality. The Michael Jackson Children Hospital MUST become a reality. We MUST do that for him after what he did for us all.

    Like all of you, I don’t know how this can be done. Perhaps Prince, Paris and Blanket can do that once they grow up. But I was also thinking that there are more that 250 000 persons who have a dot on the MJ Tribute Portrait. What if the MJTP would launch a campaign asking all the persons who have a dot to give 5 dollars for the creation of this children’s hospital ? I love you all, Nicole (from France)

    Posted October 8, 2011 at 9:55 pm | Permalink
  16. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Someone helped me clean up the slide of Michael’s dream for the Michael Jackson’s Children’s Hospital. Now you can have a clearer dream image. Thanks, JM ~B

    Posted October 9, 2011 at 1:35 am | Permalink
  17. Viola Williams said . . .

    Thank you Rev Barbara. Those that never listened to Michael, should by now know his message. For him to have to die to make it loud and clear, pray for the soul of Michael. Even through the fog, he was intent on helping children all over the world. He was hurting from a deep dark place and for some reason the world didn’t believr him or accept his his hurt.

    Through his trials and tribulations they mocked him and thought him insane. But from the abyss of his soul, he was being honest, but they still crucified him. Rev Barbara, if a hospital is to be built in his name, I trust you and I will help you to do what he wanted, the biggest hospital for children, the Michael Jackson Childrens Hospital. I will give what I can, like Michael, but I will do it and find a way, in his name. Thanks to Michael; we will try to make your dream a reality. Bless you angel!

    Posted October 9, 2011 at 1:42 am | Permalink
  18. inge said . . .

    Dear Nicole, I think that is a great idea. I just looked around the internet and I found fans on the MJJC website who are trying to come together to make a start. They are aware what a difficult project this is. Legally and money wise. They also have a link to a facebook page and there is a website called Michael Jackson’s Children’s hospital. I think indeed Michael’s children might have to play a role in this.

    Such a hospital would be very expensive indeed. We would need half the world to help and sponsor the hospital to keep it going once it is build. But I still think it can be done if we all stick together on this as one. Love, Inge

    Posted October 9, 2011 at 1:48 am | Permalink
  19. Susan Trout said . . .

    Rev. Barbara… you are doing such an exceptional job with your effort to bring peoples’ attention to the way the media manipulates and frequently doesn’t tell the truth. Many times I’ve urged people I know to visit the Voices Education website and pay particular attention to Words and Violence. I get updates from Google about MJ and one contained an article on Perez Hilton’s site regarding Michael’s children at the Forever Michael Concert in Cardiff Saturday evening. Contrary to my good judgment, I read some of the comments and was stunned by the level of hurtful bashing. Somehow these people must be made aware of their terrible criticism and how it harms not only the people they are criticizing, but also themselves.

    Hopefully, someone, or a group of people, will begin the undertaking to build Michael’s hospital. I really believe his children will follow in his footsteps and do amazing things that will not only benefit their family, but mankind in general. There’s time. This is a thought we will all hold on to. Everything was once a thought. Belief, vision and determination will bring it to full fruition. Peace, love, and light to everyone!

    Posted October 9, 2011 at 6:30 am | Permalink
  20. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    When we encounter comments such as you cite here, we must dispassionately and without emotion, write a rebuttal that is respectful and factual. No name calling, no attacking. Just the truth backed up with facts and sources. And leave this link: ~B

    Posted October 9, 2011 at 11:09 am | Permalink
  21. Dalia said . . .

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful anecdote a great achievement and the fruit of your effort that these people have recognized how valuable it was Michael. Yet for all of us the road is long and winding… I have been sharing the video man behind the myth to common people, and there were those who marked the video as spam and blocked me in facebook. So I couldnt share it temporarily. It’s just a small obstacle as many of us have to face and suffer. What will happen to us if Murray get to be free? That’s a great posibility! it is going to be a big blow for us, but we have to get up and move on, as did Michael. Overcome this battle little by little, as Leo Tolstoy said: “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

    Posted October 11, 2011 at 5:00 am | Permalink
  22. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    It is indeed a possibility that Murray will walk. I am not at all sure that the purpose of this trial, the spiritual purpose, is to convict Murray. The purpose of this trial may have already been revealed. Murray recorded Michael in an extremely vulnerable moment– he was not on stage, he was not in an interview, he was not scripted, there were no cameras and he was completely under the influence of a drug. It might have been Propofol. It doesn’t matter. But what he said matters verly much.

    What he said clearly defines who he was. In his most vulnerable, raw moment Michael Jackson revealed the true reason for his comeback– to build a children’s hospital– the biggest in the world. That is what he wanted to leave in legacy to the world. Not his performances, not his music, not his accomplishments and certainly not the caricature. In that purely vulnerable and unguarded moment, his heart goes to others. Not to his upcoming performance, not to his rehearsals or how in the world he is going to pull this off under the enormous pressures and demands on him. His thought was for the children of the world. That is undisputed. That is Michael Jackson. And that may be the whole reason for this circus they are calling a trial. I am not sure anything else really matters. Maybe “That was It.” If I had to choose between Murray going to jail and Michael being vindicated in a heartbreaking surprise and unscripted moment, I will choose that moment of vindication where his true heart is exposed for all the world to see. That may be the ultimate justice. And strangely enough, it wouldn’t have happened without Murray. Ever the trickster, Michael triumphs spiritually and the world gets yet another message from an artful messenger. Who has ears to hear?

    Posted October 11, 2011 at 10:09 am | Permalink
  23. Annie said . . .

    No words but thank you ! :”( I wish every human being could have a soul as beautiful as Michael’s because Love would run this world then.

    Posted October 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm | Permalink
  24. Dalia said . . .

    AMEN Barbara, in your last comment, you said it all. You’re absolutely right. I would like that as you say, once committed this outrage, “justice” may come from the same “hand killer”. Justice finally to say it in any way.Thanks.

    Posted October 11, 2011 at 3:40 pm | Permalink
  25. vero said . . .

    Thank you Barbara and others for your beautiful words. That recording of michael was so poignant–I was deeply touched, especially by his love for children and his desire for the children’s hospital, by his profound connection with them–‘take me with you’ they said to him–but also by his statement that he had no childhood and his simple statement: ‘I hurt, you know, I hurt.’ yes, he did hurt, and you are right that the media killed him–the hate was astounding–and why?

    It made no sense except to poison the minds of readers against him for profit. It made the world a sadder place to do that to such a soul as Michael. yet, as you say, he kept going, kept giving, and we must too. I hope the children’s hospital dream will come true–it would be great if it could be at Neverland. I hope MJTP or some such group will take up the cause. Your point that maybe the trial was just to reveal this recording is profound. Something has shifted. At least some of the former bashers on the media have changed their tune, although the posters are still sometimes horrific, vile. They are just parroting back the hate they received from the media.

    I once posted a positive comment about Michael and someone replied I made no sense b/c the person had read so many articles about MJ scandals. What the person did not know is that all those scandals were invented to sell–they were lies. The media is distracting us from the real problems in the world–namely, that the planet is dying. this was Michael’s message too–in this is it. the Earth Song sang in the recent tribute in Cardiff is amazing–it is on youtube. Love to this beautiful dream of Michael’s and to this beautiful website Inner Michael!

    Posted October 12, 2011 at 6:36 am | Permalink
  26. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Before sending money to any organization, we need to make sure it is legitimate. And it would need estate and family approval. Of course a project like this is possible. Anything is possible. But patience and perseverence will be needed. There are many things that must be in place first. So, hang on awhile. Visualize the perfect outcome and infuse that vision with emotion. Greg Braden calls that “scientific prayer.” Meanwhile, there is work to be done: the media.

    Posted October 12, 2011 at 9:13 am | Permalink
  27. Kim said . . .

    Rev. Barbara, I simply say “Thank You”. If I were to choose between Conrad Murray going to jail or Michael being vindicated, I would choose the later as well. Once again Michael communicated his message to all of us. For that I am grateful. I also will keep the vision of a children’s hospital in my mind and in my heart. I will keep the faith and will include that vision in my prayers. Perhaps “This is It” wasn’t it after all. Thank you for the work you do on behalf of Michael, his fans and really, humanity. God bless you. You are truly an Earth Angel.

    Posted October 17, 2011 at 12:40 am | Permalink
  28. patricia said . . .

    This is a great article. MJ was a good person.

    Posted October 20, 2013 at 9:45 am | Permalink

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