Inner Michael » II. So What are “Crazy Michael Jackson Fans” Really Grieving?

II. So What are “Crazy Michael Jackson Fans” Really Grieving?


To the people who really know Michael Jackson—I mean the ones who know his vibe, the loss is far greater than the sum of its parts. Michael represented something important, something they can’t put their finger on, something that is wordless, gossamer, luminous; something fresh, innocent. Something intangible left the world when Michael did.

For some, Michael re-remembers their youth and a time when things were in some ways, so much less complicated. It was a simpler life then, the edges not as sharp, the landscape not as jagged. Michael was a trigger for the memory of a feeling trapped in time, a feeling of unencumbered and pure being.

For some new to Michael’s legacy, the mourning is for the lost opportunity to have loved him and his work in a pure and honest way. Some weren’t compelled to look into the Michael Jackson story until after his passing. They feel cheated because they missed him and the opportunity to follow his work while he was here and alive and now it is too late to say “thank you” and “I appreciate you” because he is gone.

Some are feeling sorrow about their complicity and about believing or half believing the media’s distorted version of who Michael Jackson was—you know, the Wacko part. They have since found out that there was nothing amiss about Michael Jackson and that the portrait painted of him in words through the last two decades was contrived fiction. That caricature portrayal of Michael Jackson was the result of some kind of insane hysteria that permeated the culture for some reason not as yet understood. It resembles the days of Salem Witch Trials where everyone was caught up in fear and hysteria. Some old enough to remember the Red Scare and McCarthyism or who have studied it might remember how that accusatory finger pointed every direction and called people “communists!” The frenzied “outing” of communists among us destroyed lives and many entertainers were blacklisted.

There is such a thing as “stirring it up” and “working people into a frenzy.” Hitler was a master at it. There is an art to leading the masses to salivate over more of what titillates. There are those who incite hatred and offer an opportunity to exercise righteous indignation aimed at another individual or culture. That is how people become dehumanized and nations are made enemies. The practice of tribalism or making someone a foreign “other” can provide a diversion and brings relief from all things uncomfortable: boredom, apathy, guilt, shame, oppression, despair, responsibility and in particular—self-examination. It always seems that those who are quick to be self-righteous and to judge another or look for any potetially dark information in the lives of others are the very ones who most need to look at the tendencies of the black heart within self. If they point fingers can they lead unexamined lives themselves? Is that why they do it? In the afterward of Michael’s passing, those who actually personally knew him have a much different kind of testimony about who he was than those who poked fun or “exposed” him. Those who knew him called him an “angel walking the earth.” Those who wrote about his life from the outside and wanted to make a buck off him left the human part of him on the cutting room floor with clever editing or filled their books with innuendo and slander. As we already know “we see the world not as it is but as who we are being.” Not only does the world look dark to those opportunists but everybody is examined through those night vision lenses. Their constructed biography of Michael Jackson is actually a confession of their own blind autobiography. They perpetuated the myths for a reason– to avoid self examination by throwing others under the bus and then gleefully watching the bodies being dragged through the streets of public opinion. It’s a gladiator pastime that takes the focus off self and where our own integrity fails to hold up under scrutiny. As humanity evolves spiritually their projection and treachery will reveal itself; it’s only a matter of time until the real “accusor game” is exposed for what it is– a confession.

People have been ruined or killed by mass delusions that point fingers, by out-of-control  and mentally unbalanced  ecosystems, and a frenzied and seductive illusion of power.  The whole celebrity fascination was punctuated in a recently overheard conversation at the checkout counter in the supermarket: a mother scanned the tabloid smorgasbord before her, chose one and threw it into her cart while saying to her young daughter “When I read this stuff about these celebrity people, it makes me feel better about my life.” In that one simple act, that parent taught her daughter that when despairing about her ordinary life reading about someone else’s manufactured missteps will make her feel better. Is the insanity in that actually that hidden? What that mother could have said was “you can make of your life anything you want; you can use your talent to contribute something unique to the world that only you and your one precious life can bring.” She could have taken that teachable moment to inspire, not expire unborn dreams. That is what Michael Jackson did for children his whole life. How ironic that he became The yellow press’s most sought after and maligned “breaking story.”

The mother doesn’t realize that she is supporting and promoting the slaying of real people—their careers, their relationships, their self esteem, their openness, and sometimes their very lives as in the case of Lady Diana who died in a crash while being chased by paparazzi snapping her picture for those very gossip “newspapers.” She paid for the privilege of aiding in the mangling of humans. And she just passed that privilege on to the next generation.

How sad that we seem to clamor for glamour but we tend to envy those who live the glamorous life. Sometimes we acctually succumb to the urge to destroy what we covet. The Michael Jackson shadow legend was build on presumption and innuendo, supported by an appetite for human shadow. It was constructed from the projection of our own and denied shadow. It’s the collective of that dark mental morass played out in mass consciousness and heaped upon one individual. “Here” the world said “carry my shadow for me, Michael. I can’t bear to look at my own inner darkness so be a dear and carry it for me, will you; carry it for us.” The world has never have seen anything like it. I hope it never does again. It was like a dark seductive orgy that caught many in the frenzy of it.

For some fans, there is a bit of shame and some guilt about not being there for Michael in his darkest hour. When he was going through the accusations and especially the trial with the world watching, they were busy with their lives and may have even given some credence to the media reports about his potential guilt. Now that they realize the magnitude of what he went through and it impact on him, they regret not having stood steadfast beside him either in body or in spirit in his time of greatest need.

There is anger with those who brought frivolous charges against him for whatever their twisted reasons. And there is a long line of culpable individuals that include those who wanted to conscript his name, image, reputation or whatever piece of him they could, to secure their own vicarious fame; there are those who were seduced by the checkbooks of journalists who paid for the juiciest stories from those willing to fabricate them for a buck. The tabloids and their lack of ethics and human decency that have no integrity and no remorse and apparently no conscience because they publish huge headlines and tell outrageous untruths about real people with deference to that dismemberment of flesh and blood and bone beings. Retractions are few and if admitted at all, are featured on the back pages. Exploiting people for entertainment and profit in this most visible this way is nothing less than bullying—that takes place on a world stage.

Fans are angry with a public that shamed and disdained a Michael Jackson who betrayed his race by “bleaching his skin and turning white,” this criticism leveled at Michael by both races—by blacks and whites. How dare this Negro child with the chocolate skin deliberately attempt to become White and try to pass himself off as another race! And how dare this African American male have the audacity to date and marry White women! How dare he be so “uppity!” (Remember that word?) And when Michael confessed his disease, Vitiligo, the media used words like “claims to have a skin disease that turns his skin white.” Cartoonists, journalists and late night comics made fun publicly of a man dealing with a life altering illness, one that threatened his life from sun poisoning, required his living under an umbrella and threatened his career as a very visible performer. Michael’s Vitiligo Universalis was confirmed at autopsy. Vitiligo is genetic and incurable and can be life threatening. Would these same commentators make fun of someone who claims to have cancer or Lou Gehrig’s disease?

There were those who made fun of his face—the only one he had to present to the world; part of the body that he used as a canvas to make art and to strive for aesthetic perfection with makeup and superstar costume having a flair for the drama in art. And then there is the mask: the only thing that allowed him respite and a barrier to the constant flashbulbs and stolen moments from a man with the most famous face and no privacy anywhere in the world. And they used any excuse to feature a momentary lapse in the “entertainer face” that he presented and represented to the world to accompany it with a scandalous headline. Is it any wonder the man wore the mask often? It was a way to shut out the world and keep those who siphon life and images for profit at arms length. The most famous face in the world had to hide behind a mask for a modicum of simple sovereignty and privacy. And they made fun of that too.

So add to this mix, the ingredients of gender bias and race stirred into a cultural soup that we were served up and add a dash of homophobia and paranoia. Every age has its issues and buzz and buzz words. Every generation has its opportunities to add to its knowledge base. These days it’s ADD and ADHD, short attention spans, medications for kids, a lack of connection to the natural world and human touch, the influence of video games and the impact of these influences on young minds. Michael’s peak difficulties in his life came on the heels of a cultural focus on the shocking discovery that the incidence of child abuse and particularly sexual exploitation of children was greater than was humanly fathomable. The body of knowledge surrounding the issue was expanding exponentially: In rural America, the numbers of the abused were staggering; there was the unthinkable revelation that clergy had abused children as well as other professions that were supposed stewards for youth; the Mc Martin school travesty was prominent in the headlines and anyone crying “child abuse” was automatically believed while the accused occupied an immediate place of loathing and contempt in the human mind— both individually and collectively. (The Mc Martin school personnel were accused of running a child abuse ring and the case went on for 10 years and eventually all persons accused were found not guilty of any criminal acts against children.)

In psychiatry and mental health at that time, the buzz was recovered memories, false memory syndrome, satanic ritual abuse and a raging debate whether therapists could plant memories by suggestion. The topic du jour was child molestation and the culture reeled in the aftermath of its unearthing as a common phenomenon. Accusations flew wildly and divorcing partners used the opportunity to accuse in order to slant custody battles in their favor. Michael was unfortunate to be accused during a time when the collective eyes of people were on the very issue with which he was accused because he wouldn’t submit to the demands of those around him who wanted to pry something from him—to profit in some way from their associations with him. Michael’s business associates and friends have said that the cases of attempted extortion numbered around 50 per year. Michael Jackson had deep pockets and as seductive as vicarious fame is, the seduction of money is greater. Because he was so famous, he was a target for multitudes of opportunists all his life. Want to ruin someone’s life? Extort money with a threat? Accuse them of carnal exploitation of children. The media focused on the accused not those accusing who had histories of bad behavior and shakedowns. Those headlines, after all, sold newspapers; charges of innocence or extortion did not.

So now teachers are afraid to touch students; doctors dare not enter an exam room without a nurse present; children if they are hugged or cuddled at all only get it from their parents because they are “off limits” to Boy Scout leaders and clergy and extended family. They are all touch hungry and hug deprived. People Facebook or text each other instead of dropping by for a chat. Have you witnessed people texting each other who are in the same building? Or  encountered two people sitting in a restaurant and one is on the cell phone while the other is texting? Children prefer to be inside where all the plugs are for their digital lives rather than exploring the out doors or walking in the forest. Lyrics sexualize and dehimanize making people objects instead of blood and bone. We don’t know the long term effects of our self imposed fear and isolation. It’s already playing out in the lack of love and empathy and the rise in the incidence of bullying. Adults are shocked by the behavior of children that they are learning from adult role models. Michael befriended many youngsters and visited many schools where problems surfaced from bullying and abuse. Dave Dave burn victim and Ryan White who was ostracized by peers because he had AIDS come to mind and so does a secret visit to a school after a terroist shooting there. There are many hundreds of these stories all over the world. Michael just never took a camera crew or spoke about it. The fans know, however.

The betrayals in Michael’s life caused him to back away from and not trust adults because of the suffering from their assaults on his personhood, reputation, career, music, appearance, and yes his soul—for in his soul, he was a piper and voice for disenfranchised children. Neverland had become its own caricature yet Michael built it for children, to be able to share it with children who would otherwise never have a taste of magic in their lives. He knew his impact on children. He knew he was a cultural icon and he understood his influence and his role. He said “I am not that important, but Michael Jackson is.” He was speaking of the persona he became on stage, the one children were enamored with and what he represented to children—a larger than life figure and hero who had arrived through his own talent and hard work. He was magic to children. Neverland was more a myth than a playground because of what it represented to children and childhood.

Michael simply loved children in a wholesome and tender way. He loved them in a way that we all should. His character did not hold dark thoughts or exploitative tendencies. He gifted a quarter of a billion dollars to children through his philanthropic projects. He personally visited children the world over who were sick or injured or dying, and the disadvantaged or disenfranchised. He personally paid for medical equipment, surgeries, limbs, transplants and yes—funerals. He was a quiet crusader privately and a public one on stage—all for children and for love.

There is not enough love in this world. That untenable reality is driven home daily by the lashing out of those in misery, by neighborhood and gang violence, the visits to emergency rooms, the number of deaths from starvation and the specter of war. Michael knew that the world lacked love and he preached it in his lyrics, his actions, his work, his life and in the legacy he leaves behind in the fans he loved “more.” He was a piper of people, of goodness, of generosity, softness, kindness and of change. His fans think he belongs with other pipers like Gandhi and Martin Luther King. And if you look into his life story deeply, that is the logical conclusion of such a journey. Then the fans’ anger and anguish makes sense. They wonder how could the world have gotten it so wrong. And the contradiction of who he really was and who they say he was leaves them staggering in disbelief.

In addition to the personal forms grief has taken for Michael advocates, there is another side to the grief that is puzzling and finds no words for expression. It’s a gut feeling that something is very, very wrong with people, with the world and with the culture. Something is broken and people can feel that brokenness. It hums in the background of our lives and feels like a nightmare that haunts but it’s not a dream and we are not its dreamers. We wonder are we even awake or awake to it? Michael’s death was a catalyst for an awakening. Many did wake. And many more awaken as his real legacy is uncovered. Recently that very metaphor played out in the uncovering of his name at a school—a gathering place for children. Many of his fans who were awakened at Michael’s passing awoke also to the injustice to him and to their own missions as they struggled to assimilate the reality of his death. He withstood more than any human ever could or should yet this invincible man was gone. And he was gone by the hand of another in a death that was senseless and unnecessary. Something that represented anti-shadow in the world was gone. The light had gone out.

The real Michael Jackson represents all the things that the world meant to him and he meant to the world: Gone is the reciprocal love from admirer to the admired and back. It’s a lofty connection not often made in a world tarnished by cynicism. And certainly not in the genre of Rockstars! Michael, in his true form, embodied all the things that we love about the human being— kindness, generosity, love, compassion, respect, humility, grace, determination, perseverance, hope, persistence, passion, and heart. He was a man who was not afraid of his feminine or soft side; in fact he embraced it. He was not afraid to love loudly and publicly. He was passion in action. He created beauty and genius and gave all the credit to his creator. He gave. And gave. To the world. To us.

“We,” meaning the collective, lost an innocence of our own when Michael passed. Unconsciously or not, we saw an innocence in Michael that we ourselves had forgotten or had left far behind as we crossed the threshold of adulthood. It was as if we put behind us childish things in favor of an inheritance of cynicism and a void that hope avoids. Michael’s reverent admiration that loved children and saw in them the hope of the future and hope for the world was gone and those who had recognized it were devastated. Michael resonated with the childlike quality in all that lives in constant awe and wonder. It was the same worldview that we find in the magical creative genius of Walt Disney. It was an “it takes a village” philosophy that sees all adults in the world as the caretakers of all the children in the world and all grownups as stewards of their welfare and their mother earth who birthed us all.

Michael represented that youthful starry-eyed vision that finds wonder in the night sky, awe in a snowflake, and the forever youthful spirit that dances in the moonlight. He was the Peter Pan who is not so sure but insists on believing anyway. He was the sound of giggles in spice-perfumed kitchens where children are loved and cherished and safe. He was the fire in the center of hearth and family and love. He was the magical boy who wants to hang on to the belief that he really can fly even if it’s only a metaphor, that there is a real Santa Clause and that rainbows do touch the earth wherever it is they land.

There is something very broken in a world that would take a man filled with talent and genius and make him the shadow man for a whole generation. There is something broken in a world that would use the weapons of spoken and printed words to spread darkness to a population who are unconscious and still sleep walking. They are a people unaware that what they are ingesting is tainted nourishment from a false and unreachable god of gold—celebrity, and they are asking for more helpings; that they are drinking the hemlock of their own cynicism and hopelessness, and begging for another serving. They would better serve themselves by drinking from the fountain of a belief in their own inherent brilliance. We know it exists because we get glances of that bright shadow of humanity when there is a natural disaster like an earthquake, hurricane or Tsunami. Michael said we can be that all the time. Was it too hard to believe him? Is that why it was important to effectively hamstring him, to silence that lone cheerleading voice?

What is it about human nature that created a gifted and generous genius to be a repository for the shadowy projections of a whole world? How did the most recognized man in the world become a target for all we loathe about ourselves and can’t bear to withness, so we see it in an innocent and project it onto him with the whole world watching while he writhes under its weight?

The weeping is not just for Michael. It is for all the collective abuse, complicity, immobility and the perfunctory “well that’s just how things are” or “that’s human nature.” The fans  know otherwise. And they learned that from Michael. It’s for the lost truth, the trampled justice, the lost opportunities. It’s for the children who didn’t benefit because Michael was distracted from his real mission in a demand to feed the big egos of little men. It is for the stunning movies that Michael’s genius and creative mind would have birthed in the future after his farewell performances and goodbye to the stage. It is for the loss of something magical gifted to humanity in the modeling from one man become a world diplomat and peacemaker, global humanitarian and human being working tirelessly to resurrect the brilliance of human nature, to bring salvation back, and the man who tried to duplicate Eden in a place called Neverland.

The voice that said for fifty years: “You can change the world; together we can make it a better place. We are the world” is now silent. The grief is for that loss and for something that is so broken, for a dream destroyed. For the yet unimagined magic that will never be. It’s for the human nature that stares back at us when we look at the mirror of the man in the mirror. Michael was a living myth and live metaphor for many things. Michael was a mirror. Michael was magic. Michael was Neverland. And Peter Pan. The Peter Pan that we will no longer allow ourselves to be. And now he is gone. That is what Michael Jackson fans are grieving. That is why the weeping.


  1. virginia dillon said . . .

    I have been a Michael Jackson fan for forty years. This post is beautiful. And so very true. I don’t think the griving will ever stop because if you “got” MIchael, you know that nothing will ever be or feel the same again. He was magical. He was love.

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 4:29 am | Permalink
  2. Sue Springer said . . .

    Thank you, Rev. B, from the bottom of my heart. There is nothing more I can say, you have said it all so beautifully. He was magic. Love and Peace.

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:38 am | Permalink
  3. Simona said . . .

    Rev. Barbara, this may easily be the most touching, most precious and truest post I have ever had the privilege to read. It sums it all up so well, so directly, so meaningly. We must stop avoiding self-examination at all costs, especially when it comes at such a High cost. There is so much in your words to think about.
    I can’t thank you enough, much Love…..

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:10 am | Permalink
  4. malcy said . . .

    A very touching article.You have hit the nail right on the head!

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:44 am | Permalink
  5. Kim said . . .

    Dear Barbara, although I read your previous post, I didn’t respond yet. I’m glad that I didn’t as I see you posted this article. Once again you have brought to light, the truth of what we have become and what we need to do to fix what is wrong with humanity. Your words resonate so deeply. As I read them, I can visualize it like I am watching a movie; and a scary one at that. It pains my heart and soul to watch how much Michael endured. As each day passes, I am learning more and understanding more of the impact of what he endured. Oh sure I understood before, but now I’m understanding better and deeper. I hope you know what I’m trying to say. Your articles are always very insightful and help us understand the person who Michael was. I’m truly grateful for that. I’m so very glad that Michael came and grabbed my heart (as you say), because regardless of the pain and grief that I still feel very deeply today, I will always treasure having Michael in my life, in this earthly life and in spirit. Thank you very much. You are a blessing from God. Namaste!

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:18 pm | Permalink
  6. LJ said . . .

    This post truly sums all of it up. Waiting for something to fill up the emptiness of his departure will only exist when I live fully from the love that we all are. Bless you for writing this. Today I wish for a world event where those of us who “got” the Michael vibe come together and we group grieve and group love to the nth degree. Releasing it all raising the world vibration to love in the highest form.

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:28 pm | Permalink
  7. Michelle said . . .

    Very beautiful article. Thanks, Rev. B! I really can’t thank you enough. Michael was/still is pure magic.

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 7:02 pm | Permalink
  8. AnneUK said . . .

    Dear Rev Barbara, We who know the “real” Michael will never let this man be forgotten or allow his light to extinguish. We now go on without his presence but always with his legacy of love to guide us. This has to be the most meaningful post I have ever read about Michael. Thankyou so much. With Much love Anne UK

    Posted November 5, 2010 at 10:50 pm | Permalink
  9. Jeanne said . . .

    I was in the Atlanta airport and it was so busy people were almost running into each other and from a distance I could see this child that was in trauma. Did any one stop? No in fact two adults ran into this child nudging him out of their way. I stopped and asked the child was he ok and he said in gulping tears “They had to hurry and get a plane, they went fast and I couldn’t keep up and they left me.” I found the airport security and they then assisted this child. I tell this story because what was so sad is that out of about 50 or more passerbys no one would stop and I know they saw what I saw. What you said here in this post how people became fearful of touching or even talking to a child because of such allegations is true. I saw this in this Atlanta airport with my own eyes. And trust me, those same eyes did not stop shedding tears until hours later because I could not understand how anything was more important on that day that not one person could help this little one. I know this child was ok and parents found but I will never forget this ever and I think I cried then for the same reason I cried when Michael left earth: I do not want to believe that so many people have become numb and non caring or even cruel. I see hope when I look for it and since Michael said “wake up” I look all the time now. What once looked dark is shining a new light. And it is all for love.

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 2:16 am | Permalink
  10. Cindy said . . .

    All I can say is…WOW!! I’m so amazed at how beautiful and eloquent this blog post is. It’s perfect. I have thought and felt almost everything you wrote here. Put this together with your last post and I feel as if my soul was laid bare. Thank you for your compassionate handling of Michael and his legacy.

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 3:38 am | Permalink
  11. Susan T said . . .

    Oh, Reverend Barbara, I read this late last night and poured my heart out in a letter to him. We cannot allow such indifference, such hatred for a human being to ever happen again. It is knowing the real man that causes us to cry tears that may never end. I look at pictures of him now and his inner and outer beauty take my breath away. His voice soothes me and caresses my hurt in ways that I never thought possible. Each new discovery of his kind and compassionate acts to children and adults causes me to feel such deep love and admiration for him and recoil in terrible anguish at the mental and physical pain he so senselessly endured. I love all of the photos accompanying your writing but it is the picture of him taken during his trial with his head slightly bowed, eyes closed and a hint of a smile on his precious face that causes me to wonder what he was thinking at that moment. Was he struggling to smile or fighting back tears? Do we all gaze at his pictures and videos and wish with ever fiber of our being that we could, collectively, take him in our arms and hold him and whisper how sorry we are that he had to endure so much pain and how grateful we are for his immense generosity in all he gave to the world? It’s what we all long to do but which our physical state prevents us from doing. Can we learn how to touch him, in spirit, in an effort to end this gnawing pain of his loss?

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 4:44 am | Permalink
  12. Joyce said . . .

    Thank you Rev. Barbara for these most beautiful, touching, words that speak directly to the heart and soul of everything that is, was and forever will be this most special, giving, loving man, Michael Jackson! You have once again given me such a feeling of understanding, and of not being alone in this intense feeling of love and loss.

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 5:31 am | Permalink
  13. Dalia said . . .

    Notice the tone of Michael’s voice when speaking. Is it calm and soothing? Is the work of God to serve a particular purpose? Have you noticed when someone repeats a phrase, again and again, it gets imprinted in the subconscious? Subliminal messages are something we have to deal day after day without even realizing. Many of these messages are negative, or lead us to do or buy something that others want us to “buy” for their benefit. I’m surprised to hear Michael these phrases since adolescence and that tells me about a Michael who knew perfectly what was his purpose in life! repeat a phrase like “heal the world” “make the change” “let’s get a little space to make this world a better place” during decades tells me about his intentions. In the same way, but reversed everyone of us was “used” by the tabloid media with all his blackness into believing all their garbage “wacko jacko” to profit. All that darkness was being fought on another front: Michael’s love and intentions to influence our consciences so that finally the result is: I am working to be a better person, I want to heal the world and I’m working to fulfill the wish of someone who had to leave, but “intentionally” left me working to ensure compliance. Coincidence? I have been angry to be a puppet of the media, but now I am happy to be a “Michael’s puppet” for a noble cause.

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 5:42 am | Permalink
  14. admin said . . .

    Susan, the answer to your question is yes. We can. ~Rev. B

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 6:22 am | Permalink
  15. gertrude said . . .

    Incredible piece of writing. It feels healing to hear the TRUTH so clearly put, even if hearing it necessiates the nausea of looking straight into the mirror. Your wide-open eyes on this matter are appreciated.

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 6:02 pm | Permalink
  16. Greet Boete Belgium said . . .

    Thank you Rev. Barbara. I agree with all the comments. It made me cry, again, when I realize how cruel this world was, and still is for this extraordinary man. And he really opened my eyes, and I was like you all chosen by him. And we know what our purpose is in our lives. To give, in a compassionate way, and to (try to) teach others about what life and love is all about. And especially “live” our faith, like he did, by example. You put it in words so beautiful. And I am so happy to be a Michael Jackson “pupil.”

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 6:53 pm | Permalink
  17. Anne Mette Jepsen said . . .

    Dear Rev. Kaufmann! Thank you! You nailed it! – As always 🙂 I want to tell you that I love the LOVE and LIGHT meditation for Michael and the whole World you shared with us a while ago. I use it from time to time and ALWAYS every 25th of the Month at the time of “World Prayer.” If you make other guided meditations you wish to share with us I would gratefully purchase it and participate:) Lots of LOVE and GRATITUDE from Anne Mette, Denmark

    Posted November 6, 2010 at 7:50 pm | Permalink
  18. Tania from Australia said . . .

    Thankyou once again Rev Barbara for sharing these heart-aching and beautiful words with us. There really is nothing else to add – you have said it all so perfectly here and in the previous entry. I miss Michael every single day. Will the world ever realise what it has done, and continues to do, to this most loving and peaceful of souls? Will it ever come to realise the sheer enormity of this loss? Rev Barbara, may God continue to bless you, and us through you 🙂 PS I love that photo of Michael from 2005 you have shared with us. I have been looking at it for the longest time.

    Posted November 7, 2010 at 6:42 am | Permalink
  19. marga1961 said . . .

    Rev. Barbara: Michael was Special, Sensitive, Restless, Magical, Loving and Caring, Universal…..and much more. That’s WHY we love Him so much. He touches us in our hearts, again and again. This FEELing will never ever go away. So ThanXX again for this article. Marga from Holland

    Posted November 7, 2010 at 1:25 pm | Permalink
  20. Jennifer said . . .

    I have to say with what happened tonight with the release of the “new song” LaToya Jackson’s words are making a connection with me. This is an experiment of the mind on a mass of population.

    Posted November 8, 2010 at 6:42 am | Permalink
  21. admin said . . .

    You are going to have to say more about this. Please write me privately. ~Rev. B.

    Posted November 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm | Permalink
  22. Nicole P-H said . . .

    Barbara, your post brought tears to my eyes. You are doing a beautiful work by gathering all of us through your inspired words, all for love and all for Michael. Also all the beautiful souls who are interacting in this blog are deeply resonating with my soul. I am so moved by Tania, Dalia, Jane and Susan’s posts. Susan, like you, Michael’s genious, beauty and compassion takes my breath away all the time. I wish too I could hold him in my harms. Please, Barbara, tell us how we can learn to “touch him in spirit”. I love you all. Namaste, Nicole

    Posted November 9, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink
  23. Cassaundra Mathis said . . .

    There is nothing left to be said that hasn’t been said in your post and all the beautiful responses. I am one of those fans of whom you speak who will unashamedly grieve forever for all the pain and ungodly abuse Michael Jackson was forced to endure in his short time on this planet. He never had a fighting chance to heal from his emotional or physical pains because many thought him an oddity and therefore treated him as such. It was as though they didn’t believe he had blood in his veins, or that he cried real tears, or that he had feelings that could be hurt just like yours or mine. Such a gentle, loving, giving spirit was he. Too precious to continue to thrive under the cruel circumstances that were constantly bombarding him. I grieve for the child in Michael. I know he was an angel sent here to heal this planet. The only thing that gives me any comfort is in knowing this and in knowing that he is now safe and sheltered and loved and out of harms way forever. Sweet little angel child… they didn’t know who you were.

    Posted November 11, 2010 at 8:00 pm | Permalink
  24. mjjfan4ever said . . .

    Michael jackson was a beautiful man inside and out and a shy loving quiet person. Not many men are like that. Michael was a loving warmhearted shy caring understanding person and talented. He cared so much for the world and children and people in pain. He tried to tell people to heal the world and spread the L.O.V.E — he was a great person who deserved more respect. He gave so much in life. Michael was a amazing person. Together we can make a change; let’s heal the world and spread the L.O.V.E! Peace..

    Posted November 16, 2010 at 4:22 pm | Permalink
  25. mjjfan4ever said . . .

    Cassandra I agree. Who wouldn’t grieve and feel very sad? Michael went through so much in his life and had so many tough times. I still cry for him and sometimes to me it feels like it was just yestderday he passed away and it hurts! i just still am in disbelief. 🙁

    Posted November 16, 2010 at 4:27 pm | Permalink
  26. mjjfan4ever said . . .

    Beautiful well thought out post well done Barbara keep Michaeling 🙂

    Posted November 16, 2010 at 4:28 pm | Permalink
  27. maggie said . . .

    This is well written and thought out prose. It’s Michael himself that I will be missing the most, the smile and the laughter and the excitement and more importantly the things he taught through his music… his L.O.V.E.

    Posted November 24, 2010 at 2:22 pm | Permalink
  28. Nikki said . . .

    Thank you once again for such an insightful post. I do cry for all that Michael endured, and for the realization that something is very, very wrong, or as you say, broken, in this world. It’s very frightening the level of cruelty we humans are capable of.

    Posted November 26, 2010 at 8:52 pm | Permalink
  29. Julis said . . .

    This articles speaks the truth about Michael, his Fans and why we grieve for him. I definitely felt an awakening when he passed and there is no turning back for me. That gut feeling you mentioned, is the same feeling I have been feeling. What is wrong with people, why are they intent on being mean and selfish? Here was a man, and Angel in my opinion, who was the light, who lived to bring joy and magic to people. Who gave so much and all he asked for in return was to be loved. Yet the masses would rather believe horrible untruths and participate in his lynching. SMH I wish more people would open their eyes and heed Michael’s message. I pray for this world we live in. Thank you Rev. Kaufman.

    Posted September 25, 2011 at 1:34 am | Permalink
  30. Sarah Rivera said . . .

    It was obvious that the negative forces found a glitch to bring Michael down, because of his love for kids… We live in a media negative obsessed culture. If you put two and two together, the interview when Michael was standing on the stage giving a speach regarding how he made Sony Records billions of dollars, and he repeats him self billions of dollars! He then goes on to relay the fact that he was breaking his contract with Sony. (I knew then and there that the big wigs were going to try something tricky, but beyond my wildest dreams would anyone sense that they would play the pedophile card on him.)

    Hypothetically they might have used one or two of those billions to pay off the media and the courts. Because people were realy brain washed and convinced that Michael Jackson was a child molester questions were asked: What’s he doing with a ferris wheel in his back yard? (pedophile) Whats he doing having sleep overs? (pedophile) He’s a grown man with out a wife? (pedophile) by the time the nonsense would get into court who would you have believed? the man or the kid? Just think about it…. Then he gets ready to make an awesome comeback and somebody… SOMEBODY felt that this creature was better off dead than alive… The whole shindig was manipulated by wealthy handlers….. R.I.P Michael. I wish I could have met you. You were on a different plane of conciousness that was not of this world. Thank you for gracing the stage.

    Posted August 20, 2013 at 9:43 pm | Permalink
  31. Melinda Marie said . . .

    I have been reading through this and everything that is being said by every person on this site-it is as though I am reading my own thoughts that ring through my head about Michael. Someone mentioned the photograph of Michael outside the court house with his mouth slightly curled and his eyes are closed. As I study this photo I see Michael in sheer pain! He is thinking “Not ‘another day of this” “How could all this be” “Oh Dear God-WHY?” “WHY?” He did not think he could tolerate another day of this humiliation and hatred all directed at him. Someone who so loved the world and gave back so much. He was in horrible,, horrible pain! I cannot imagine how he survived it.

    All through these trials he went through I was so afraid he would commit suicide. Why did he not? He was so gentle and frail. Because it is a sin. Suicide is a sin. That is all I can think. He was looking at a possibility of going to jail for the rest of his life! OH GOD! I cannot imagine the fear in his gut over that! He would not have survived in Prison. His soul would have left him and his heart would have burst-or the evil men behind those bars would have taken him down and it would have been a horrible ordeal for us to live with that for the rest of our lives! Can you imagine if that had happened? Could you ever sleep a night again? Could you ever smile again?

    It is hard for me to smile since Michael’s death. It took over 4 years before I could even listen to his music or watch his videos.. I would cry so hard it was as if someone was reaching into my chest and ripping my heart out. My throat would go tight,I could not breathe. My gut wrenched! I loved Michael with all my heart and soul. And I fight an ugly world every day justifying the Man.

    My life changed the day my daughter called me on my cell phone as I was driving my car. She knew that for me to hear this on the streets or on the radio would destroy me. My darling girl knew my heart and love for Michael. She helped me so much by doing this for me that day. But I wouldn’t believe it! I raced home to turn on the Television just to fall to my knees and scream and cry out in pain! A part of me died that day. Michael was gone. He took me with him. And I know that there are millions of people all over the world that know exactly what I am talking about. My Michael family. I love you all.

    I pray that someday when my soul leaves my body- that it will take me into meet Michael. I see it, I feel it. I see huge white wings and I see a face for once and for the first time- A Michael face that finally is calm and happy and serene. His geniune smile will be even more bright and that sad look that he always had in his eyes- that will be gone too. He is home now. He is with God. But, he is with us too still. Everyday and everywhere. What keeps me going — because I know he is ok and I know he knows what I feel for him and how hard I am trying to do what he would want me to do. And everyday a new idea comes to me. I am Michaeling my life. Thank you for all of this! God bless you all, keep Michaeling! I will be back a lot now. So happy to have found you again!!

    Posted April 15, 2014 at 6:46 am | Permalink
  32. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Thanks for writing and sharing your feelings. Some of them were too tender or private– and you will understand. I truly acknowledge them however and you’ll have to trust me on that.

    For me, (and I hope this catches on like a scandal on fire and spreads far and wide) “Michaeling” has come to mean how fans have rallied to humanitarian causes in his name and his memory– schools have been funded, a children’s home been built, and a million trees planted– and that is only the beginning. That is true “Michaeling.”

    I think the pain is so great for fans because the world is still so cruel to “Michael Jackson” and his memory. It’s the fans who have taken the time and had the interest to research court records, studied what people said, looked into the backgrounds of those who accused and prosecuted him. They know that Michael was set up and that the first accusation of harming children came from a man who was mentally ill and wanted Michael to bankroll his career change from dentist to Hollywood screen writer. The second accusation came from a woman the jury saw as unglued, disjointed, with issues of entitlement and who had coached her children into assisting with other extortions where she received a payout. They know the scope of the corruption in this case and it takes their breath away.

    Nobody but fans researched this because the media saw a juicy story that could not be ignored and would not be challenged because it was so lucrative– the most famous and visible superstar in the world accused of sexual exploitation of children! It doesn’t get more juicy than that! Nothing sells like scandal! And the tabloids and tabloid journalists and tabloid TV milked it for all it was worth – bringing bags of cash and offering it to anyone who would tell them a salacious story for instant cash. Some of those offers were multiple times the target’s annual salary. So what’s more attractive– telling the truth or enough money to buy you a new house? In a sense, they are all victims too. When hysterical evil infects a society, it is like a virus that spreads to everyone involved or observing. The Indigenous people knew this phenomenon and even have a name for it– Windigo or Wetiko. It truly is a psychological madness that grips everyone downwind of it and in the case of Michael Jackson, because he was so famous and so beloved, that was the whole world.

    The pain that fans feel is not just the loss of “their idol” as the most guilty of those exploitive reporters has perpetuated as a cultural meme, but they feel the loss of a man who was tortured for no reason, who was innocent (confirmed by a jury that actually EXAMINED the evidence– or in this case lack of evidence) but found himself in the perfect storm at a time in human history where scandal was more attractive than integrity. Where humans were stuck in an evolutionary phase where it was more lucrative to behave as adolescents in a juvenile way where scandal was raging in the body politic like hormones in puberty. The fans know we are better than this and it was Michael himself who attempted to tell us.

    The pain is because it is all so unjust and they feel helpless to change it and find the whole situation hopeless. It’s the virulent sting of powerlessness. The infection is too widespread, the wound too gaping. It is because their fellow humans (humanity) is caught up in it as well. And on top of that injury is the insult that Michael is gone.

    It’s not that he is the fans’ “idol” or even their “angel” though some may feel that way. It is the archetype of the martyr– someone who dies for a cause. Someone who gives his life for a cause, for something noble and just and magnificent. It is that the martyrdom is not yet revealed nor is the cause clear. And therein lies the excruciating tormented grief. In the midst of their grief is the ghost of humanity and innocence lost for no reason. The reason is yet in the future while there are those who live to suppress it, who insist on calling the fans “crazy” for the same reason they exploited Michael in the first place– for their own gain. Facing the truth of that is a living hell. Admitting that to self is impossible because it would make clear one’s own complicity in the spread of evil upon humanity. So admitting it to the world is out of the question. Thus the size of the pain for fans of Michael Jackson. And no one else on this Earth bears it.

    Posted April 16, 2014 at 2:52 pm | Permalink

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