Inner Michael » When Does He Get to Rest?

When Does He Get to Rest?

Note to interested parties: If you send information, I will add it to this post. ~Rev B

When I saw the scrolling alert across the screen in the coffee shop that the jury had reached a verdict, I bolted upright and about snorted my spoonful of soup through my nose. Don’t you hate when that happens? (That was a feeble attempt at humor.) I froze in the chair. I was hoping for more a little more time for the fans and for the family before they had to once again brace themselves for yet another blow if that was to be the case here.

My friend had offerd her sanctuary for a change of scenery and had handed me a tin of “Burts Bees” and a fluffy towel for a luxury bath. Instead I went first for some tea and took the computer to work on a story.

I hoped the quick verdict meant that it was almost unanimous from the beginning and all the formalities had been dispensed with. It must be a guilty verdict, right? That seemed to me to be the only sane thing that could happen here. Michael would still be gone, but at least his family could begin to put their lives back together. No solace, perhaps but a modicum of closure maybe.

I watched the CNN screen as I adjusted the computer to live stream the courthouse in Los Angeles. And then came the verdict, about an hour later. A few in the coffeehose snickered and sourly glanced at the TV and shrugged their shoulders; some smiled indulgently. My thoughts were ‘Do you not get how important this moment is? Do you not know everything that is at stake here? Dignity. Humanity. Life or death. Pieces of your soul?’ Guess not; some even laughed. 

Then came the moment. Murray was guilty. I searched his face for any kind of reaction. None came. And Chernoff appeared to tear up and put his head in his hands. Then the defense asked for Murray to be released until sentencing. Kidding, right? A man with ties to the Carribean? A reckless physician? Someone who tape recorded his patient’s private moments? A doctor using killer drugs without the proper emergency equiptment? Let him walk out?

I then heard the judge use the word “reckless” and “remanded” in the same sentence. And out came the cuffs. And Murray was taken into custody. I took a deep breath. I needed a Burt’s Bees bath now.

One bath and a cup of tea later at my friend’s house where I was staying, she said “you look exhausted; let’s put on a movie. Finding Neverland?” I didn’t realize how exhausted I was. How drained. How empty and spent. It had been two years of holding hands and holding people up who were devastated at the loss of Michael. I read their letters, I hear their cries, I felt their pain. And I listenened. And wrote. I was exhausted; I couldn’t imagine how the fans felt. But I knew that whatever they felt, it was better than what they might feel if the verdict had been different. I was relieved. I was also somber. Sad. I felt no joy, no elation. A little numb, I guess.

I was also really, really sleepy. I woke this morning, grabbed coffee and began to put the finishing touches on an article. I didn’t even check my email because of the deadline and the urgency to get it polished and off. Then the phone rang: “Have you read your email?” I said “no; why?” The caller launched into a tirade and dissolved into tears. On my end the conversation went something like this: “Conrad Murray? Chernoff? Chernoff’s behavior in court? You’re kidding! Oh no!”

I had so hoped that everybody in this drama would be able to take a breath or two and that the books written by professionals and friends of Michael and those in a position to know, would have their day in court, so to speak. But that was not to happen, I guess. More evidence of human greed and ego and insanity. The doctor guilty of killing his patient was now going to profit from that killing? A documentary by Doctor Murray? In the making for two years already?

So Murray was stoic becasue he knew he would get the last word- without testifying. And Chernoff was playing to the cameras? That explains a lot of his behavior in court. I wondered what Judge Pastor would have to say now.


The prosecution rests. The defense rests. The jury gets to rest. But the Jackson family? The fans? Michael? When does he get to rest?

I had promised fans that after the trial I would have some news and some announcements. Well, that will still hold true but it must be delayed. I have been in dialogue with a documentary film-maker who “gets” what the media is doing. It’s OK; it can wait awhile. We will do the work, I promise. This is far from over.

Meanwhile, your presence and your hands are requested to do some more work. Here are some links and some places to start.

Murray et al have been planning and filming a documentary apparently for the last two years. The film has been purchased by NBC and its affiliates including MSNBC. Yes as in Bashir’s MSNBC. So, fans and advocates: We are to pick up the sword and prepare for battle yet again. Here’s your list of bad guys and things to keep you busy…

A statement by the Michael Jackson estate:
“Like so many of Michael’s fans, the Estate is also disgusted by MSNBC’s irresponsible and inexplicable decision to air a Conrad Murray “documentary” and the Co-Executors, John Branca and John McClain, are sending a letter to the top executives at Comcast, NBC Universal and MSNBC to express their disdain for their actions.”  ~Estate Executors

Here is a petition sent to me by the “Truth Runs Marathons group. I signed it and I commented:

“Conrad Murray who recklessly administered anesthetic agents outside a clinical setting without the proper equipment and emergency procedures in place should not be allowed to profit off the death of the man he killed. This is an abomination. Anyone who supports this documentary is guilty be association.”  Rev. B. Kaufmann

Hollywood Reporter:

From Valmai of MJTP:

From MJJ Justice:

From Realscreen: The people responsible:


NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios
100 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, CA  91608
Phone: 818-777-1000Fax: 818-866-1430
Marc Graboff
President, West Coast Business Operations,
Television Entertainment, NBC Universal
Rebecca Marks
Executive Vice President, Publicity
Charles Engel
Executive Vice President, Programming
Curt King
Senior Vice President,
Publicity, Marketing, and Corporate Communications
MSNBC Cable, L.L.C.
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY  10112
Phone: 212-664-4444Fax: 212-664-4085
MSNBC Public Relations
NO Murray documentary
NO paying Michael Jackson’s killer
Phil Griffin
President, MSNBC
Sharon Otterman  
Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer
Jeremy Gaines
Vice President Media Relations
Bill Wolff
Vice President, Primetime Programming
Mike Rubin
Vice President, Long Form Programming
Deb Finan
Vice President, Production and Programming
2.  Commit to not watch the program and persuade everyone you can think of to not watch as well. 
We don’t have time to contact the sponsors of this program.  Besides, that would necessitate actually watching the program, which we do not want to do. 
This is just a start, but we’ve got to start tomorrow, Tuesday, November 8.
All fans should feel absolutely free to complain, yell and scream—figuratively and literally—to the perpetrators of this perversion.  Here are just some of the words that describe this documentary and the motives of its makers:
• travesty
• obscene
• despicable
• grotesque
• aberrant
• corrupt
• indecent
• contemptible
• detestable
• vile
• outrageous
• shameless
• cruel
• vindictive
• malicious
• mockery
• self-serving
• abominable

Please, members of Michael Jackson fan community, let’s pull together to obstruct this documentary.  To keep the producers and distributors from profiting from the death of Michael Jackson.

We can do this!  We can snatch profit from the jaws of a killer and his handlers.

Call…Write…Tweet…Share…Spread…Don’t stop!
Truth Runs Marathons (TRM)

NBC and MSNBC Sponsors:

From Australia”
Channel 9 (Australia)

Channel Nine Australia :
Channel 9 Sydney+61 2 9906 9999
Channel 9 Melbourne+61 3 9420 3111
Channel 9 Brisbane+61 7 3214 9999
Channel 9 Adelaide+61 8 8267 0111
Channel 9 Perth+61 8 9449 9999

General email : (this is the only email address listed on their website)

Twitter: @channel9

or by writing to:
NSW Viewers: PO Box 27 Willoughby, NSW 2068
Vic Viewers: PO Box 100 Richmond, Vic 3121
QLD Viewers: PO Box 72 Brisbane, QLD 4001
(no time for postal letters, it airs here too soon! In just two days)

This is due to air Thursday night down here. There is little time to sit on our laurels. The fight for Michael’s legacy continues. Thankyou and God Bless.


  1. Suvie said . . .

    My head is reeling now. Really! I am disgusted…why does the American media not STOP running after the blood money!

    Posted November 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm | Permalink
  2. Suvie said . . .

    I sent the emails and contacted them on their web-page. But I wonder why did Conrad Murray NOT TESTIFY if he wanted his version of his story to be seen…its such a SHAME to have this sort of malicious back entry!

    Posted November 8, 2011 at 11:04 pm | Permalink
  3. Tania said . . .

    Barbara, can you please add these contact details for the Channel 9 Network in Australia:

    Channel 9 (Australia)

    Channel Nine Australia :
    Channel 9 Sydney+61 2 9906 9999
    Channel 9 Melbourne+61 3 9420 3111
    Channel 9 Brisbane+61 7 3214 9999
    Channel 9 Adelaide+61 8 8267 0111
    Channel 9 Perth+61 8 9449 9999

    General email : (this is the only email address listed on their website)

    Twitter: @channel9

    or by writing to:
    NSW Viewers: PO Box 27 Willoughby, NSW 2068
    Vic Viewers: PO Box 100 Richmond, Vic 3121
    QLD Viewers: PO Box 72 Brisbane, QLD 4001
    (no time for postal letters, it airs here too soon! In just two days)

    This is due to air Thursday night down here. There is little time to sit on our laurels. The fight for Michael’s legacy continues.

    Thankyou and God Bless.

    Posted November 9, 2011 at 12:26 am | Permalink
  4. Heidi said . . .

    Oh dear God is there never a moment to exhale??? Will the depths it is possible to sink ever stop??? Not being law-oriented I don’t know this, but isn’t there a LAW that forbids a convicted felon from profitting off his criminal experience??? We should contact the most Honorable Judge Michael Pastor who handled this trial so brilliantly and request he take issue with this. Also, petition the estate who may not even be aware of this TRAVESTY. The estate was integral in helping to squash the autopsy documentary. Once again, HOW LOW can this possibly go??? Murray has been proven to be a liar and a deceiver. God only knows what he will INVENT to further his “fame”. “MONEY MONEY MONEY……LIE FOR IT…..SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL…..”

    Posted November 9, 2011 at 1:24 am | Permalink
  5. Sue Springer said . . .

    Will it ever end. E-mailed my letter, and we will continue to stand tall. Love and peace.

    Posted November 9, 2011 at 1:41 am | Permalink
  6. Joslyn said . . .

    Thank you.

    Posted November 9, 2011 at 3:27 am | Permalink
  7. Janet Matthews said . . .

    Unfortunately this programme is also being aired on Channel 4 in the UK tomorrow night Thursday 10th November at 10.00 p.m.

    contact details are as follows

    Tel: 0845 076 0191

    or write to

    Channel 4
    PO Box 1058
    BT1 9DU.

    Regards – Janet UK

    Posted November 9, 2011 at 6:56 pm | Permalink
  8. gertrude said . . .

    Lost faith in humanity. sent emails. buying Jackson, Vogel and Cascio from Amazon Canada to help create Canadian surge. Then remembered my faith in some members of the human race, am glad they exist. Feel indescribably outnumbered by a seeming mass of slaves to trash media. Feel like I have nothing in common with anyone except through Internet communications with those who “get it.”Must retreat from active duty somewhat from my fellow Soldiers of Love to care for ill family members, therefore may not post as often but will help with what I can when I can. It has been a great privilege to be in contact with Reverend B and everyone here, and at all other sites committed to Justice for Michael. feel like we are existing in a parallel universe from “them”, and we can see “them” but they can’t see us. Don’t understand why. Fortunately still believe in power of prayer, have just lost faith in most everything else, have to admit it. Retreating & regrouping could help? Lord I am sorrowed!

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 1:20 am | Permalink
  9. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    I know, G, I know. I feel it too. Everyone is feeling so spent. This feeling of separation is very real. It is also necessary. And it is part of the path. It is very lonely being the first wave of a change in paradigm and a change in consciousness on a planet. It is wearying. But the light has recruited those with faith and stamina. It is a trying time. Even those we thought we knew may become strangers. Even family.

    When dealing with tempest seas it is even more important to stay steady, keep both hands on the wheel and eyes on the horizon. We can ride out this storm. We have ridden worse. We can do this. We will do this.

    I had a conversation with someone from my seminary today and she turned me toward some especially advanced spiritual work; it is not for the faint hearted. I am thinking it over. She reminded me that the potential capacity the human has for darkness is equal in capacity to the potential we have for light. She reminded me that the average human doesn’t have the gift of being able to see that. She reminded me that she and I have that gift and with that gift comes a responsibility. She made me even more tired. But she was right.

    Those who come here also have that gift. That is what makes the darkness so terribly clear. The light has equal potential. Take your breath; the light will be here when you return.

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 3:21 am | Permalink
  10. Heidi said . . .

    As well as doing everything possible to block the airing of this deplorable all-for-personal-profit “show,” we should all respectfully petition Judge Michael Pastor and ask him to take this underhanded, premeditated, profiteering of a now convicted criminal into consideration DURING THE SENTENCING PROCESS. Murray may have found a way to skirt the law in it’s filming, but this sets an unheard of precedence in immoral behavior, and if Murray can get away with this, he then sets a precedence for every criminal to make a profit off of his crime and off of his victim(s).

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 5:00 am | Permalink
  11. Heidi said . . .

    “We can do this. We will do this”…God bless you Gertrude, our prayers and love are with you, and thank you Reverend Barbara for your words of strength, as we are all feeling this way right now. A great beam of God’s Light once said, “Whatever happens…don’t let go of my hand.” We surely won’t.

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 5:12 am | Permalink
  12. Joyce said . . .

    I have sent my email letters also and now feel helpless except to pray that this travesty will not be allowed to occur! I feel exactly the same as Gertrude. It is so frustrating and disheartening yet somehow it makes me even more determined to never stop believing in Michael’s message and vision and our mission to keep it alive. There is strength in our numbers and our determination!

    I like this quote from Helen Keller:
    “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow! It is what Sunflowers do”

    Thank you Rev. Barbara and many other commenters for always providing inspiration and encouragement.

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 5:16 am | Permalink
  13. Suvie said . . .

    I agree 100% with Heidi. Judge Pastor must take this into account when sentencing Murray. He is a convicted broke and is profiting off his victim, he must be awarded hard prison just for this action alone! :-/
    Barbara, I am so disturbed since yesterday…on I saw Gavin Arivizo and his brother….going about their life as if nothing has happened. They attended the wedding of Ron Zonen who married a 2005 prosecutor witness very recently…and even Diane Dimond was there….this is like one large EVIL family…they are all connected!

    That boy was going to die if Michael had not intervened and yet his actions led to Michael’s death in just 4 yrs…How do they sleep at night? How?

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 8:46 am | Permalink
  14. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    I know, Suvi. David sent the post to me. It is disturbing. Thieves gather but there is no honor among them. Someday this will be revealed. Let me ask you (and eveyone) this… if you thought you were right in your opinion of someone, if you thought what you were doing was preventing harm because someone was guilty of a horrendous crime… and later you questioned the “facts” and suddenly you weren’t so sure… and you wondered if you were right… but you already took a stand… and someone got hurt and you ruined someone’s life because that someone was innocent and you had done horrible things, said horrible things… would you, could you even allow yourself to question that maybe you were wrong? Or would it be a matter of your own survival to believe what you did was justified… was right… and how hard would you work to convince yourself of your own innocence?

    At the point you began to question…
    It would become imperative to convince yourself the person really was guilty of what you accused them of.
    Or you would need to see the person you hurt as non-human or disposable or deserving of harm.
    You would have to dehumanize them and develop an indifference to their pain.
    You would not be able to slow down or stop, even for one moment, your campaign to convince yourself of the guilt of the party you destroyed.
    It would be imperative to find evidence of guilt even if you had to go to the ends of the earth to find it.
    It would become important to conscript others into sharing your delusion.
    And it would mean your very survival to reinforce and be sure that everyone continued the ongoing delusion.

    Because to admit what you had done and really, really look yourself in the mirror would be the most frightening thing you might do in your lifetime.
    You would actually have to end up alone with yourself and your corrupted soul.

    And that would likely be the end of you. These people have to stick together to survive and to continue the delusion, to look for ways to convince themselves that they are not empty soul-less beings.

    It takes a lot of life energy to keep that illusion going and to keep your own black heart at arm’s length because to look closely would reveal your immeasurable ugliness and just might be the end of you. If you were running from something that huge, could you stop running? At the point you can’t stop it becomes compulsive. An addiction to keeping the truth from yourself. If one person in that conspiracy even wavers, everbody would have to face the pain.

    How hard would you work at it? Would you stake your life on it? You would have to. Life force is self-limiting. When your bio-energy or life force goes into perpetuating that kind of reality, it is used up there instead of nourishing your life, your spirit and your soul. Say, for example, you have 100% life energy to work with and 60% goes into running from yourself. What are you left with to spread over the rest of the demands of your life? These people are chosing death, Suvi. They may not be consciously aware but this kind of ecosystem for the psyche is death-inviting rather than life affirming.

    So now what answer do we get when we really ask the question who is better off… Michael who lived an authentic life loving and living out loud for 50 years, or the living dead? “Thriller” and the concept of zombies is not such a myth then is it?

    Every time we make a decision or take action we are making a choice for the soul and for the bio-entity: is this choice death dealing or life affirming? And we “live” with the choice we make. Or we lose a little of our life each time.

    Puts it all in a little different perspective, doesn’t it? So Suvi, my Hindi friend, we make our own Karma, no? Kali Durga? Kali? Gauri?

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 10:42 am | Permalink
  15. Suvie said . . .

    Thanks a lot for such a detailed reply, Barbara. This explains a lot and why they would need to “stick together”.
    But then as u say, it is all part of the divine plan. So it must be OK.

    Meanwhile, I got a reply from Channel 4 Uk. I get a feeling that they are getting lot of mails about this and would have written out a standard reply for it.
    Dear Suvie,

    Thank you for your e-mail regarding the upcoming documentary, The Man Who Killed Michael Jackson.

    We are sorry to hear that you are disappointed in our decision to broadcast this programme.

    The trial of Dr Conrad Murray for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson has dominated headlines around the world. Now that the verdict of guilty is in, this observational and independent documentary provides an insight into Dr Murray’s relationship with Jackson and how events unfolded on the day he died.

    Further, we would advise that Dr Murray is in no way profiting from our transmission of this film; our licence agreement with the production company stipulates that he will not receive any proceeds from the fee we pay to licence the film.

    Nevertheless; please be assured your complaint has been logged and noted for the information of those responsible for our programming.

    Thank you again for taking the time to contact us. We appreciate all feedback from our viewers; complimentary or otherwise.


    Sandra Carter
    Channel 4 Viewer Enquiries

    Posted November 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm | Permalink
  16. gertrude said . . .

    Well Rev B, Heidi and Joyce, of course you are right. Your words have beauty and true comfort in them. I am grateful. Rev B your words to Suvi got me actually laughing as I thought Oh my word, she has me feeling sorry for this monstrous coterie who excoritate Michael! Jesus really was light years beyond us when he said forgive them for they know not what they do, wasn’t he? Because as you’ve illustrated, even if we know what we’ve done to someone else, we don’t see what we’ve done to ourselves in so doing. We don’t see that what we do to others we really DO do to ourselves. One cannot lie about and attack Michael without lying about and attacking themselves; one cannot kill Michael without killing themselves; one cannot kill the Light… and my Shadow will spend some alone time with the Heavens, and keep all your lights that blink in the dark, in my peripheral, to sail back to when I rejoin the fray. The one I probably won’t really leave.
    beautiful words: “It is very lonely being the first wave of a change in paradigm and a change in consciousness on a planet. It is wearying. But the light has recruited those with faith and stamina.”; “A great beam of God’s Light once said, “Whatever happens…don’t let go of my hand.”; “quote from Helen Keller:“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow! It is what Sunflowers do” (leave it to Michael to love sunflowers!)
    Blessings all.

    Posted November 11, 2011 at 12:31 am | Permalink
  17. Sue Springer said . . .

    You have all touched my heart so much in this thread. When I am feeling overwhelmed with this mission, and feeling alone, I intend to come back to this thread to refresh. I am glad to be a part of such a wave of love as is represented here. Thank you all. Love and peace.

    Posted November 11, 2011 at 6:28 am | Permalink
  18. SRevero said . . .

    I, too, sent out emails but heard that MSNBC will still broadcast this ‘documentary’. I can not articulate how devastated I feel. Truth and morality appears to be outdated and nil. I pray for guidance, strenght for all of us and justice and peace for Michael. MSNBC is nonexistent for me, as of now.

    Posted November 11, 2011 at 7:38 pm | Permalink
  19. Elizabeth said . . .

    We fight on for Michael we will recruit as we fight but we fight on for Michael. We take breaks because even soldiers need a quiet place to rest but another sister or brother steps into that space we left. To get this done we have to know sometimes we will need breaks and physical communion with other MJ sparkle people. Michael selected us and he knows better than us that “If we raise our voice as one there is nothing that can not be done” MJJ forever. I love you all and thank you Rev. B for always righting the ship.

    Posted November 11, 2011 at 7:56 pm | Permalink
  20. Heidi said . . .

    Oh Joyce, that is so lovely!!! “Keep your head up to the sky…I’ve given you wings so you can FLY… Keep your head up.” No wonder Michael’s favorite flower was the sunflower!

    Posted November 11, 2011 at 8:20 pm | Permalink
  21. Pam said . . .

    I cried the night of the verdict. I miss Michael.

    Posted November 15, 2011 at 12:45 am | Permalink
  22. Poca said . . .

    I did not watch this show. Like Katherine Jackson said, I cannot stand watching this man’s face. His face is full of anger that it blinds him from telling the truth. I also believe he is the fall guy, his greed is what got him into trouble and he only cared about saving himself, which did not work for him at the end. He recorded his patient but he revealed to the world (the fans already knew) that Michael only wanted to help “children” because he loved them.

    Posted November 15, 2011 at 4:03 am | Permalink
  23. Ingrid said . . .

    Hallo, I’m german and my english is worst. But I’m able to read all you write dear Referand Barbara Kaufmann, and to get the sense….thank you for all your sensitiv and magnificent articles! Michael Jackson was and is a target for the media, even in death, they go beyond every border in an unethical most disgusting way… I’ve never seen anything comparable as what happened to Michael.

    How is it possible, that a murder can slander his victim and makes a documantary which is aired all over ? To make this possible, I ask, how deep can the media sink ? I’ve seen all the tabloids in California 1989, when I was in Santa Barbara and Palm Springs for six weeks to visit some friends. I couldn’t believe it, and that’s long ago…. all that scum-reporting! In the meantime it seems to get more worst, I never thought, that is possible! Michael Jackson was a unique, loving, genuine soul with an incomparable talent, and never, ever will there be someone who comes near him! The world was not, and is not ready for him, but without hope we are lost…L.O.V.E and peace to you

    Posted November 18, 2011 at 10:31 pm | Permalink
  24. B. Kaufmann said . . .

    Thank you Ingrid. Where in Germany? Do you have tabloids like that in Germany?

    Posted November 20, 2011 at 3:48 am | Permalink
  25. Ingrid said . . .

    I live in Berlin.Yes, we also have tabloids,newspapers and magazines which are very disrespectful and sensation-seeking. But I think, it’s not comparable with what I’ve seen in California. We have not this reports, like shows on TV. But I recognized what was written in tabloids about Michael Jackson in US, was imitated and copyed in Germany without asking and reflecting!

    Posted November 21, 2011 at 12:02 am | Permalink
  26. Emmie said . . .

    Rev B ~ When one sees active darkness or evil, it can be very hard to fathom the whys(??) of so much ugliness. The dynamics of the same that you descibed to Suvi above, I found to be very insightful.

    You also wrote, “Every time we make a decision or take an action, we make a choice for the soul and the bioentity…”

    ~Thank you for this!

    Posted November 21, 2011 at 1:22 am | Permalink

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