Words on signs… words on TV… Words on Facebook… we don’t talk now, we twitter… we text—words.
Our words: characterize, patronize, marginalize, politicize, ostracize, magnetize, popularize, moralize, stigmatize, symbolize, canonize, recognize, harmonize, satirize, sensationalize, proselytize, criticize, categorize, humanize, rationalize, galvanize, lionize, eulogize, mesmerize, fantasize, criminalize, globalize, compartmentalize, sanitize, publicize, finalize, desensitize, strategize, demonize, idealize, subsidize, legitimize, neutralize, bastardize, factualize, actualize, trivialize, polarize, dramatize, energize, legalize, nationalize, recognize, hypothesize, baptize, cauterize, realize, civilize, theorize, antagonize, theorize, barbarize, brutalize, and yes… terrorize.
What we don’t do enough is… apologize.
Why is that? Why don’t we apologize more or more often? Why are those words “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry” so hard to say? Why do we choke on them? Or perhaps even more relevant is the question—why do we act in ways that require us to retreat later or explain our actions or retract what we said?
Human nature is sometimes hasty with judgments especially judgments about others. Why? Is it because we feel inferior to others and we think judgment works as an equalizer? Do we gain some kind of perverse satisfaction in demonizing someone else? Why? Do we feel so badly about ourselves that we must compare ourselves with others and convince ourselves we are superior? Are we so threatened by the accomplishments of others that we would sabotage their efforts? Why not “stand up for me brother; stand up for me sister?”
Do we particularly enjoy name calling as sport? Do we feel smug when using words to trounce someone for their less than brilliant opinion? Does that elevate us to some self-proclaimed level of superiority? And where exactly is that superior place that we land and how do we gather with friends —in superiority land? And for what? For an illusion? A self inflicted hallucination? Because those places that we seem to want to get to so desperately really only exist in our own minds. Why is it we sometimes love to loathe? And while we are asking these questions, who exactly are we trying to convince? And why? Seems obvious that the sabotage here is self sabotage. Now tell me, where exactly do I pick up my payoff so I can take it to the bank?
We know better than this! We are better than this. We intuitively know it. So when we speak and act in ways that are truly beneath us, how do we make it right? With confession? With apology? And realistically how often does that happen in real life? Oh? Not very often you say: Well why not?
Maybe it’s because we have the same contempt for someone who apologizes as we do for someone who doesn’t. What? What was that again? Maybe it’s because we have the same contempt for someone who apologizes as we do for someone who doesn’t. What do they call that? Oh yeah, hypocrisy. Fickleness. Irony. Crazy.
So when someone reveals their heart and apologizes, do we think about the courage it took to take that action? Or do we weigh the risk that they took in telling truth about self? Or how the world just became brighter because someone just became genuine and authentic? Or do we think harrumph—see, she was wrong! I was right! And why do we have this urgent need to be right and to be right by making others wrong? Oh I know that probably sounds preachy. But it’s a genuine question because I do it too. What is that? Is that some kind of embedded and permanent quirk of nature—human nature? When they say why, why—tell them that it’s human nature? Really?
You know what is missing? Diplomacy. The narrative on this planet gets more humane when diplomacy is deployed. Diplomacy is the skill of negotiating agreements or handling affairs without hostility. It’s staying out of shadow. It’s also handling those affairs and eliciting bright shadow with cunning. It’s knowing how to be a motivator, a catalyst who takes people by the hand who are hanging out in shadow and says: “C’mon over here where there is more light.” A Lightman!
Now the thing that happens when people realize that they have just done, or previously done some things they know were not so friendly… not so nice… is that when the light comes on they feel shame. Shame is the lowest vibration there is and nobody wants to hang out in that frequency. It is hell there. Literally. So why would anybody want to gulp and admit they were the lowest human vibe on earth? Oh boy. When you were a child, did anyone ever say to you “shame on you!” Has anyone done it as an adult? It doesn’t feel good. I think that is why very few people can navigate the dungeons of the human mind well. Shame however can serve a temporary purpose. It can function as a mirror.
It is important to be a mirror and to hold up a mirror when you or someone else does something not-so-nice to you. It is important to not let people violate you because when not confronted, that can escalate into taking advantage of you or worse—bullying. And we all know how that turns out.
So here’s a challenge… what if we invented something new? What if we found a way to diplomatically let people know they are being less than brilliant, that they are not shining so bright? What if we could find a means to allow them the space to come to an understanding that they have chosen shadow instead of light? And what if there was no punishment or shame in stepping into the light? What might that look like? How would that work? Could we find a way to allow people to change their minds or apologize for past words and actions without heaping shame or blame upon them? What if there was a way to inform without attacking, present without accusing, problem solve without blaming and ask people to change without shaming? This is not rhetorical; I am asking Michael Jackson fans to answer this challenge. In words. I am asking for a solution and a framework for how to do this—but it has to be a framework that saves face.
The Japanese and Chinese have a marvelous concept: “saving face” and “losing face.” “Face” in that context is an idiom meaning a prestige, standing or dignity and to saving face means keeping the reputation and respect intact. Is there a way to modernize this concept? To make it a part of the diplomacy that is essential in the culture of a humane narrative on this planet? The reason it is so important is that words affect more than what is visible. Words affect people, places, spaces and futures.
Michael Jackson was one of the most loving and forgiving beings on this planet. He understood that darkness in human behavior comes from the woundedness that happens when we are not loved enough. So when someone was being a “poop” [my word] what did he say? He said they need a little more love. When peoples’ bodies were broken or not working well, what did he say? He said “come to Neverland; we will coat you with love.” Love heals. Michael knew that. And he taught that. And he lived that.
So why are his fans, those people who claim to know him best and want to live his message… why are they so unforgiving? Why are their words so hurtful? Why are they so snarky with each other? I don’t think it’s something they deliberately set out to do; I think they are battered people. I think they are wounded. I think that being so snarky comes from living from fear instead of love. Fear and love are the two places your mind can live- one is expansive and the other contracts. It may be a fear of losing Michael that motivates fans. And it’s battle fatigue that occurs when one has been fighting the good fight for too long or has been living with the darkness without balancing it with equal light. I think what happens with some fans is that they become territorial of Michael—thinking “Michael belongs to me, to us.” And those other fans over there don’t understand him; they don’t get it; they are mistaken; they aren’t real fans; they aren’t die hard fans; they aren’t lifelong fans; they don’t “get” Michael; they are too emotional…” All that rhetoric is a smokescreen for “I am afraid.” And for, “I feel like I am losing Michael.”
Michael is gone. His music, his legacy, his legend is still alive. Michael is here in spirit and is very much alive in that way but he has shed his physical body. He is no longer a corporeal presence on this planet. He can’t physically move matter around or sing again or make films or be a visible star to hang onto. That is the painful reality. It’s time to hang on to yourself. The baton has been passed. The legacy now belongs to his fans. Will they be worthy? Isn’t the pain of his leaving enough? Is it really healthy or helpful to heap additional pain upon each other? Is it Michael-like to use words to harm others? Michael Jackson was a person who united people, not divided them. He was a healer. He used his words in lyrics to heal the world. If you are a real Michaeling* fan, you might want to give that some thought. And if you are feeling any shame about what you did in Michael’s name, we’ll declare a period of amnesty and forgive if you vow to be more watchful in the future. Apologize and we’ll all “Michael-ize.” Now tell me in words how to do that. And then show me.
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*”Michaeling” was a coined term that meant surfing the net for all things Michael. We are proposing a change in definition: “Michaeling” is what you do when you are donating, contributing, behaving, speaking, or doing anything in the name of “Michael Jackson.” Begin making “Michaeling” part of the modern lexicon- or the chronicles of language. If we can “‘make that change’ in Michael’s name” we are Michaeling. So that in the future when someone says I donated to the disaster relief fund, we can say “I admire your generous Michaeling!” And when they ask “What is Michaeling?” You may answer: “Oh, well, did you know that Michael Jackson was a great philanthropist and humanitarian? He gave billions to charity, built hospital wings, donated medical equipment in every city on his tours and gave disadvantaged children a free stay at Neverland…” So you were “Michaeling” when you made that donation… worked at the shelter… recruited those vounteers.. collected pledges… gave away your belongings… put the charity in your will… Michael always said: it’s all for love!”
12 Comments
Yes! Thank you and bless us all on this journey. Taking the baton and running with it. I may stumble and fall a few times but I can and will pick up that baton. Michael set the mark – I’m going to take it a step further.
A fan can be unforgiving because they feel the pain and see how Michael was affected by it but I agree there is a wound that love should heal, so why isn’t it going on? Because the message did not sink in….but I believe it will. Our vibration is changing and when fans meet they soon bond and let their love or light shine. And like you say Michael cannot be lost, his luminosity shines. But we are now his angels (or firefly as I call myself) and we must bring light and love to each other. We must mirror him. Lightman- yes and we are his fireflies who must band together and create a radiant glow to show the way to diplomacy and healing – healing with the light. Thank you again – Your words make my heart sing!
Dear Rev Barbara,
What a lot you have given us to think about today. I along with all of us are only human and as such have a great many human traits that are not always nice. When this occurs it brings a sense of shame without anyone telling me. I know that when it happens, I have let Michael down, I have been less than one of his soldiers of love and perhaps most importantly I have let myself down. Since Michael passed I know I have changed so much and now Michaeling is a very important part of my life as I know it is for so many of us especially here. When we do something in Michael’s name it does make us feel good but it that feeling needs to be directed back to the heart not to the ego.
I think everyone of Michaels fans need to take time out to contemplate and really think about the lessons he taught and the how we can carry on the legacy. We all need to consider why we argue amongst ourselves over such trivial things. Everyone is entitled to their views and all views should be respected no matter how much we disagree with others thoughts. Yes of course we all want to “shout our corner” but with just a small shift we can all be in the same corner. I’m sure that this can be accomplished by respect (a word that seems to have become lost.) Just by putting our brains in gear before we open our mouths hopefully can stop wounding words tumble out. A line in a song Michael wrote says “Reach out and touch a stranger” What a wonderful starting place, a bright smile, a “Good Morning” to a stranger showing love and respect for that person. It’s just a small gesture but one that stranger might be desperate for. Keep that smile in place, its very difficult to argue when you are smiling. Michael united all different religions, different cultures and nationalities. He did this by spreading the love. He left all we need to know,now he has passed this baton on to us.As LJ says we can all pick it up and carry it further in Michaels name.
With much love Anne UK xx
Rev. Barbara. On this day of gratitude and thanks, I wanted to say Thank You for what you do to bring light and understanding to Michael and humanity and also for your wise and insightful post here. I will not post a response yet as I want to ponder on what you say here. Many thoughts came to mind as I read it and I want to sort through them. I will post again later. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. I’m sending love and hugs your way. Can you feel it?
Barbara,
YOUR gift of WORDS is truly astounding….It’s Thanksgiving today so it’s a good day to count blessings and reflect. Your blog entry puts me in the right frame of mind. Thank you so much. I’m grateful to have found your site.
I feel it Kim. Namste`
I am visiting my son’s family this week and changing to a new and improved computer so I will post here my gratitude to those who wrote holiday greetings and kind words about Inner Michael, the video and the work with Voices. To Tania: Thanks bright spirit. To Jan: Thanks to a fellow art aficionado and mentor; and ditto. To D.M.: Yes, the “Tickle Monster” story at One Wordsmith is a real story about a real family and Maddie is a charmer. Yes absolutely; like she was my own so I do understand Michael’s feelings about handicapped children. To the little miracle movie maker: thanks and likewise; the admiration is mutual. To the listeners at A Place in Your Heart: thanks for being there and for the kind words. To those who posted the video on their websites… you guys rock! Thank you so much from Voices Education and me. Everyone: Keep sending the video out and replaying it often. We want to “simply change the world!” Happy Thanksgiving. And keep shining! ~Rev B
Love, works miracles. I was confronted by someone who began to spout dark , angry energy that built rapidly. This person got herself so focused on the wrong of the other person that she was unaware that she, herself was being combative. She worked herself into a frenzy. I reached out held her in a hug and said , “come close to me, I want to hear your heart beat. Shhhhh… listen… can you hear mine?” She became calm. She said, “I am sorry; I do not know why I got so worked up.” We both cried, then we laughed and ate turkey. I know that you can do this with family, and not all strangers will receive a hug, but I feel we could all use one. So I think when a hug is not possible, any act of love is, even a simple smile or a touch on a shoulder or an open ear. When the words come out that shout out: ” I am hurt and hurting,” that is when the medicine of love is knocking on the door. That medicine works miracles.
I read this post the night it first appeared and my jaw is still on the floor. O Lord what a seemingly enormous question. Of course the answer may be simple and something that has been with us for a very long time. I think there was an astonishing Light Being walking the planet at one time, disquised as a radical Black Jewish Rabbi who ostensibly told us to treat others the way we want to be treated, to love others like we would want to be loved…
Why is it so hard when our buttons are being pushed to breathe, step back and say ‘what if this person was me? what if I was the one behaving like this? Would I want people listening to me to believe there was a good person inside me and to try to work things out sweetly with me? Thanks to listening to Michael and Reverend B, among others, I managed to do that when a friend of mine vented and totally negated some of my personal beliefs recently. What rose up in me, instead of anger or even hurt, was a feeling of sadness at how much pain she is in, and I showered her with support. Another step forward for me.
I agree with all the comments here as well. Ive been crying ever since your most recent article about Shadow Reverend B, and Im crying now. Best tears ever!
I totally can relate to this Barbara, the other day I was on one of the MJ websites and people were arguing nastily over the quality of picture on the MJ DVD set! I usually stay out, but I had to go in and say something. I just told them please stop arguing over such trivial matters, Michael now, does not care about the quality of the picture on a DVD, what he does care about is that you use some of your energy to help someone in need. That would bring a smile to God’s face, Michael’s face and the person you are helping and ultimately it will make you feel better. I don’t really know what some the fans are thinking, they know what Michael was about and it wasn’t about calling each other names and arguing something so petty.
I totally can relate to this Barbara, the other day I was on one of the MJ websites and people were arguing nastily over the quality of picture on the MJ DVD set! I usually stay out, but I had to go in and say something. I just told them please stop arguing over such trivial matters, Michael now, does not care about the quality of the picture on a DVD, what he does care about is that you use some of your energy to help someone in need. That would bring a smile to God’s face, Michael’s face and the person you are helping and ultimately it will make you feel better. I don’t really know what some the fans are thinking, they know what Michael was about and it wasn’t about calling each other names and arguing something so petty.
I totally can relate to this Barbara, the other day I was on one of the MJ websites and people were arguing nastily over the quality of picture on the MJ DVD set! I usually stay out, but I had to go in and say something. I just told them please stop arguing over such trivial matters, Michael now, does not care about the quality of the picture on a DVD, what he does care about is that you use some of your energy to help someone in need. That would bring a smile to God’s face, Michael’s face and the person you are helping and ultimately it will make you feel better. I don’t really know what some the fans are thinking, they know what Michael was about and it wasn’t about calling each other names and arguing something so petty.